Our Dead Dads
The concept of Our Dead Dads was born through the daily discussions of seven men who share bonds of blood, friendship and all having lost their fathers. Nick Gaylord, the show’s host, shares his life experiences with his deceased father while exploring the complications and realities of that relationship. Life is intense, grief and loss come in many forms, and no parent-child relationship is black and white, which is why this show touches on all shades of grey.
Join Nick for candid conversations with his three brothers and three of his lifelong friends, along with other special guests who discuss their experiences with loss, grief, laughter, and moving forward. Nothing is off-limits here. Nick learned after his father's passing that he couldn't process what he was going through alone and sought the help of a therapist, who helped him to let go of his anger toward his father. Looking back, he realized just how many people are being crushed under the weight of grief, loss, and in some cases, anger.
Nick's mission through Our Dead Dads is to offer a platform for anyone who needs or wants to tell their story, to have that opportunity. He also hopes to reach many more who need to talk but don't know how to start the conversation, hopeful that by listening to these stories, they will be able to start talking with someone.
Nick has always sought to help others and to make everyone around him laugh. Along with his brothers and friends, he has frequently used humor to get through the hardest times in their lives, and hopefully, you will permit yourself to do the same. Get ready for an emotional deep dive. Nick has a lot to say and so do his guests. He's here for you and ready to help. Everyone has been through trauma, grief, and loss. Now, along with Nick and his guests, everyone will get through it together.
Nick is changing the world one damaged soul at a time. Welcome to Our Dead Dads.
Our Dead Dads
030 - Bonus - The Hot Seat December 2024
What would you do if you stumbled upon unclaimed funds linked to a loved one who's passed on? Join us as we navigate this unexpected discovery, sharing the humorous and sometimes frustrating journey of claiming these hidden assets. We also find ourselves in the midst of holiday nostalgia, reminiscing about the warmth of family gatherings and the mesmerizing world of a Lionel train collection that consumed our childhood winters. From bustling celebrations in Greenport to quieter moments, our memories reflect the joyful chaos and cherished traditions that shaped our lives.
Ever wondered what your last day on earth might look like? We explore this intriguing question, imagining adventures with loved ones and the joy of spontaneous kindness. Along the way, we share heartfelt stories about our loyal pets, Alex and Suki, whose presence brought so much love and laughter. Our conversation veers into the realm of dream destinations as we fantasize about secret trips and the allure of places like New York City, Hawaii, and Greece. With humor and warmth, we paint a picture of cherished moments and future aspirations.
Behind the scenes, our podcast journey unfolds with tales of technical mishaps and the joy of listener engagement. As we celebrate our milestones, we reflect on the universal experience of grief, inviting all to find solace in shared stories and our supportive community. With exciting plans for 2025, including the debut of the Our Dead Dads Merch Store and my first live interview with Justin Shepherd (known to his followers as @justinontiktok and @justinthenickofcrime), we're committed to creating a space where grief is met with understanding and kindness. Join us as we embrace the healing power of connection and story-telling, ensuring no one feels alone in their journey through loss.
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Our Dead Dads podcast is sponsored by Kim Gaylord Travel. If you can dream up the vacation whether a getaway for you and your other half, a family trip or a trip for a large group she will help you plan it. If you've never used, or even thought about using, a travel agent for your trips, you really should. Kim will help you plan everything the flights, hotels, transportation, excursions, all the places to visit and all the sites to see. You'll get a detailed itinerary of everything and if anything goes wrong during your trip, you have someone to contact. Whether you're looking for a customized European vacation, a relaxing stay at an all-inclusive resort, an Alaskan adventure, a Caribbean cruise, kim will work with you to make sure you have a seamless travel experience. Contact her today and plan your next trip with a peace of mind that only working with a travel agent can offer. And, as a special bonus for our listeners, mention Our Dead Dads podcast for a 10% discount on planning fees. You can find Kim Gaylord Travel on Facebook, instagram and LinkedIn, or email Kim directly. Her email address is kim at kimgaylordtravelcom. Our Dead Dads podcast is sponsored by Dotted Avenue Creative Studio. If you're looking to build your first website or give your current site a facelift, you need not look any further than Dotted Avenue Creative Studio. They will work with you to customize exactly what you want in a website. Whether you want something personal and simple or a website for your business, you're in the right place A professional-looking page that you and everyone who visits your site will be obsessed with. Search engine optimization, e-commerce all the bells and whistles. If you haven't already checked out OurDeadDadscom, you should take a look for a couple of reasons. First, because there are a lot of really cool features to check out, including some interactive sections for the listeners, but also because Dotted Avenue built this website. They work exclusively within Squarespace, who is the hosting company of our website, and customize your website exactly the way you want it and then, when it's done, you'll have a one-on-one Zoom call to learn everything you need to learn about maintaining the website yourself. Go to dottedavenuecom and get started today. Mention our dead dads and get a 10% discount on any web design package.
Speaker 1:Dotted Avenue Creative Studio. Talking about grief, trauma, loss and moving forward. I'm your host. My name is Nick Gaylord and if this is the first time you're joining me, welcome to the show. If you're a regular listener, then welcome back For everybody listening. Thank you so much for your support and thank you for making this show part of your day. The best way that you can continue to support the show is by listening, sending in your feedback on the show's Facebook, instagram and TikTok accounts where you can also see clips of my interviews and some live videos, and coming soon to YouTube. Most important, please spread the word about the show, because everybody deals with grief. We are all in this together and the best thing that any of us can do is to support each other through that grief. Make sure you're following the show on your favorite listening platform and tell everybody you know to do the same. Give us a five-star review and, by the way, if you don't know how to leave a five-star review, you can go to the homepage of OurDeadDadscom. Scroll down and it'll show you how to do it step by step. I really hope you enjoyed my conversation with John Gerst from earlier this week.
Speaker 1:Today is Friday and it's time for another bonus episode. This is episode number 30, and we're all here for another episode of the Hot Seat. If you missed the previous Hot Seat episode, let's talk about how this works. I'll start off by saying that for this episode, I'm joined by the best podcast co-host in the business, my wife Kim. Sorry, am I allowed to laugh? Yes, of course you're allowed to laugh.
Speaker 1:Kim is going to ask me a bunch of questions that have been sent in by you, the listeners, which means I'm going to be put literally on the hot seat, hence the name of the episode. If you would like to send in your own questions for me to answer on an upcoming episode of the Hot Seat, you can do so by going to OurDeadDadscom. Go to the Contact Us link at the top of the page, select the Hot Seat and you'll be able to fill out the form and send in your own questions. The page limits you to five questions, so if you think of more than five, just fill out the form a second time or as many times as you need to to get in all of your questions. And now that we've covered all the business part of this episode, let's get into the fun part and let Kim start grilling me with all of your questions. Hello, hi, babe.
Speaker 2:How are you doing? I'm well, thanks. Excited for take two. Is this our second one?
Speaker 1:This is the second hot seat and hopefully everybody's going to send in a lot more questions that there will be more hot seats for 2025. Yeah, let's hope.
Speaker 2:As more episodes drop, people keep sending in the questions. I'm always happy to, you know, add a few of my own.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:Moment if I need to.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. In that case, it'll really be random, because, of course, these questions I have seen them come in because I am the administrator of the website, but I have handed them off to you. I do not know what you're going to ask. If you're going to ask all of them, what order, anything like that.
Speaker 2:So this is about as, yeah, you just pass them off and then I get to decide which ones to ask. You make all the decisions, thank you. Well, at least at this moment, at least at this point, I thought for today, since it is right before the holidays, we'd try to keep it a little bit lighter. I know your Christmas episode are we calling it that Is dropping next week? Yes, that I was also part of the Goodfellas Christmas episode, goodfellas plus Kim and Helene.
Speaker 1:Is that what we're calling it? Yeah, Goodfellas supersized the three brothers, the three friends. You, Helene.
Speaker 2:I think we had a few guest appearances, briefly by some of the spouses. Yes, briefly we did. That was pretty much it. Yes, briefly we did. Well, anyway, so that was super fun. We recorded that a while ago. That's going to drop next week and I think we talked a decent amount about Christmas in that episode we did. By the time this is dropped people won't have heard that, so I'll try not to do too much that we might repeat. But I was thinking it would be fun to sort of tie in some questions that the listeners have sent in about your dad and maybe tie it in a little bit to Christmas, if that's okay with you. Sounds like a good time to me. All right, sounds good. Well, this one. Actually, I'm gonna ease you in with one that isn't specific to Christmas, but it is about family, all right. So somebody asked was it tough moving away from New York, since that's where you grew up and that's where your family still lives? It? That's where your family still lives the best fucking day of my life.
Speaker 1:No, I'm just kidding. Okay, not necessarily. Was it tough to leave New York? Yes, it was very tough to leave New York. It was the first time that I had ever lived outside of New York State. Well, it was the first time that I was going to be living outside of New York State. I lived upstate New York, in Albany, for a couple of years in college, but I've always been a New Yorker, at least up until that point. You had lived in California for six years, so you had a little bit of experience with that, and Florida when I was eight, and Florida when you were about a year old.
Speaker 1:You have very vivid oh, two years old, I'm sorry. You have very vivid memories of that, I'm sure. Yeah, it was difficult. It was an emotional day for both of us. I still remember standing outside the house on Johnson Avenue and looking at the house that Saturday morning as we were getting ready to hit the road with Maxie in tow, and it was rough.
Speaker 1:We were in separate cars following, yeah, we were driving separate cars because they were both fully packed with everything that we didn't want to trust the movers with, including the cat, including Maxie. And yeah, it was rough, I will say the entire drive on the Long Island Expressway up to wherever it was, the Cross Island or whatever road we took that was. It was a long drive, it was intense. Probably the hardest part was driving across the George Washington Bridge, going into New Jersey, looking to the left and seeing the skyline for the last time as a New York resident I will not say as a New Yorker because, as I've said before, I will always consider myself a New Yorker but you and I both leaving the state and seeing the skyline there and disappearing in the rearview mirror.
Speaker 2:That was hard. Yeah, it was a lot closer still to 9-11 having happened and all of that emotion, and I think we both still when we go back. It's always one of the things we look for is that view of the skyline, whether it's on the flight landing if we fly into one of the New York City airports, or as we're driving. We have family in upstate, so we frequently have to drive off Long Island when we're driving. We have family in upstate, so we frequently have to drive off Long Island when we're there Connecticut as well so we frequently catch those glimpse of it, and whoever's driving doesn't get to look as much as the one who isn't driving, and it's meaningful to both of us.
Speaker 2:I think it absolutely is what it represents.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's great to go back and see it. We haven't really spent a lot of time in New York City on the trips that we've made back home.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we always talk about we're going to do a New York City trip, one of these days where we don't tell anybody we're coming. Oh, we're totally going to do that, and we just do New York City for like three or four days on our own.
Speaker 1:And now we know somebody who's a travel agent. It's Kim, by the way, in case if anybody is an absolute brand new listener.
Speaker 2:Well, they probably just heard the commercial.
Speaker 1:You better have heard the commercial. You better have been paying attention. I hope you didn't fast forward through it and if you did, then go back and listen. I love seeing New York City Every time that we do drive past it. If we drive upstate, it really is special seeing the building, seeing the skyline. The New York City skyline is one of the most beautiful things in the world to me.
Speaker 2:Me too.
Speaker 1:And maybe that's because we're New Yorkers. Plenty of people don't like New York, but it's the best.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think the people who don't know it don't like it. They think they don't like it. They don't know it. It says since you moved around and have done a good bit of traveling, what is the one place that calls to you most? I suppose let's do it in two phases. Let's say it calls to you most of the places you've already traveled to, and then maybe some place that you haven't yet traveled to that is really calling to you. That is top of list. So not necessarily the places that we've lived, just any of the places.
Speaker 1:Yeah this is traveling, this is like vacation.
Speaker 2:I think that's how I interpreted the question.
Speaker 1:Okay. Well, one place that seems to be continuously calling back is Mexico, because we've been there four times now and love going there every time. We've done two trips off of the North American continent the first one to Hawaii in 2009, and the second one to Italy as a family trip last year, in 2023. Hawaii is really calling me back.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was gonna say that's probably more than we go to Mexico, because we're looking for a week at an all inclusive to sit on the beach. So I don't know a lot of fun, sure, but it could also be Punta Cana or Jamaica or somewhere else. Exactly, I think I was thinking you would say Hawaii, not to put words in your mouth, because that's the one you always mentioned to me that you want to go back.
Speaker 1:We had originally talked about doing Hawaii as a 20th anniversary trip, but now we're also talking about possibly Greece.
Speaker 2:I think originally we actually talked about Hawaii as a 10-year anniversary and then we bought. You know what we did. What happened? We bought our house instead and couldn't remember what happened there.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, by that point, so 10 years would have been 2016. We had just moved to Bastrop.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's what it was.
Speaker 1:We had just moved. That's what it was. Right, right, yeah, july of 2016 we bought the house. So, yeah, so no vacation that year. No, no vacation that year. That was funny. There was the same reason that we didn't go to hawaii in 2008, when we were originally planning to.
Speaker 1:That's what it was okay, I knew there was something. Well, because we got married in 06, we had the wedding in 07. That story's already been covered. We had planned to to go to Hawaii in 2008, but then we bought the house on Long Island so we decided to be financially responsible and put it off a year. So then we ended up going in October of 2009. And yeah, hawaii is really, really, really calling back. We need to make another trip there. I'd say that's probably tops on the list. We'll get there, yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay, and then, well, you mentioned that we're thinking about doing Greece. Yes, obviously, I'm sure everybody knows that we're both Greek, both of our dads, right, both of our dads are Greek, we're Greek, we're Greek. Well, I guess they still are, but Dead now, very sad. Dead now, very sad. So you know, your time on this earth would not be complete if you did not get to see, probably Tahiti.
Speaker 1:Tahiti is something we have joked about for a long time. We've talked seriously about going, but we have also joked about if we decided to just kind of blow everything up then move to Tahiti. Take Maxie, move off the grid. Move off the grid, she can roam the beach. Well, at the time I was running the wedding photography business this was back when we were on Long Island and I think the agreement that we had was I would take pictures and you would make jewelry out of seashells. It was a well thought out plan. Everyone. We would just entertain the tourists. I mean, the weather is always going to be warm. So if we had to be homeless and live on the rainy season I think, yeah, there's a rainy season everywhere eventually we'll just make a new cardboard box and we'll have a new shelter. Tahiti, I think, is it's a place we've poked fun at a little bit about, not because of anything with the island.
Speaker 2:It just seems to be that ideal idyllic.
Speaker 1:It's. Also it would be a long trip because I think in most cases it probably takes two days to get there because you have to take 12 flights to get there. It's definitely high on the list of places that I really want to go.
Speaker 2:All right.
Speaker 1:We'll put it on the list, absolutely.
Speaker 2:All right, Let me try to segue that into a little bit of a question about your dad. Okay, Because we do have a couple of them in here and I'm going to try to avoid the ones that are super heavy or whatever. People are always asking about memories and you know, were there happy times? Because obviously, for the most part, you've talked sort of a good deal about some of the more difficult aspects of your relationship with your dad. So somebody had asked about the happy times and whether you miss them. Let's tie that into travel. Is there a time where maybe you traveled somewhere with your dad that you want to tell the listeners about? I guess not necessarily always if it's a happy, but you didn't travel often with your dad. I guess I can say that I don't think that was a big definitely did not travel often with him.
Speaker 1:Really, the only big trip that we went on with him was um to florida, to disney disney world. Disney world, disney world is in florida.
Speaker 2:The, the trip summer week right, you should, I should. Well, we don't get over to the East Coast. No, no, no, Somebody just told me a way. So I don't remember much, but for some reason I always remember Disney World versus. Did I show you this? You didn't show me, but I saw it on Facebook. I may have shared it because it blew my mind.
Speaker 1:It was one of those.
Speaker 2:I was today years old when I learned this right, because world disney, world has orl, which is in orlando, and land has la, which is los angeles, so that's a great way. It's a little bonus tip here from your our dead dad, slash kim gaylord travel, that's right, uh, for you guys, there you go, impress your friends at parties you got, you went, you and jack went to myself, oh, and everybody.
Speaker 1:yeah, it was me, jack, dad and Dad and Rosemary. So Dad was married to Rosemary. At that point she was actually eight months pregnant with Joseph, so Joe also went to Disney World.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's a ding ding ding. Can I steal that from another podcast? I think I can. It's a ding ding ding because just the the other day I was telling you about a client who's doing a family moon, which is a baby moon but when you already have kids it's a family moon. I decided so um, they're pregnant with their third and she has two other little ones, so the four of them, before the baby arrives, are going to do a little few night getaway. Uh, family vacation.
Speaker 1:How old are?
Speaker 2:the two kids that they already have. They're pretty young, I want to say like in the range of like two and four, two and five, three and five, something in that range. So they're going to do a little indoor water park. Nice, yeah, so that's what you guys did before Joseph came along. You had a family moon Kind of sort of. We weren't calling it that because I'd never heard of the word. I think I made it up, I think you did, or well, look, we've become a well, baby moon has become a big thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we as a society have become very good at making words up, but, yes, they have good meanings and excuses to travel and excuses to travel. Yeah, and your client's case they're pregnant with their third and Dad and Rosemary were pregnant with their first, their first, but they had you guys, yeah, yeah they had us, and then Joe came along a month later.
Speaker 2:So how was that trip? It was your first experience at Disney World. Eh, I'm pretty sure that was my first, so let me ask you, as a child who also had a father, who I went to Disney World with you did.
Speaker 2:I did Wow. Also had a father who I went to Disney with. I did Wow. We should do an interview. Oh wait, I wonder how your memories are of that trip as relates to your dad. Was he happy vacation dad, was he? If I have to stand on another line to get another annoying kid another soda, I'm going to lose it. Dad, what's your overall remembering of that?
Speaker 1:It wasn't that terrible. Yeah, what a way to put it. What's your overall remembering of that? Uh, it wasn't. It wasn't that terrible. What a great standard. It's a great standard, I mean, have you? Well, you've done that, so, um, it was a good trip.
Speaker 2:Should we just tell everybody that we both have a little bit of a cough because we both keep turning our heads and you're gonna have to edit all this out? You're probably gonna be edited, so the coughs will out, but if you notice anything weird, that's what it is.
Speaker 1:Nick and I are both recovering from a little bit of an ick and as we talk we're Well we both came back from New York at the end of October sick and then right before Thanksgiving mine came back, turned into bronchitis. We went on a cruise over Thanksgiving.
Speaker 2:That couldn't have helped. I got sick after that, so yeah, any case, just in case you don't want to edit out all the coughs, there you go.
Speaker 1:Right, and if we sound a little weird, then that's why.
Speaker 2:Anyway, getting back to it, you're dead, Sorry, yeah.
Speaker 1:So it was mostly a good time. I remember being completely sick of it's a Small World Because you had to ride on it so often. Well, we rode on it a bunch of times and just hearing it play over and over and over.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean it was. Yeah, it's a one and done for me for a visit to one of the parks. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, they play the music so loud and it's piped all over the park that you're able to hear it from many directions, of course, as you get closer to different themed rides, then you hear other music, but every time you walk past it it's still playing, so it was a good trip overall.
Speaker 2:Okay, that's good. And did you guys drive for that? We did.
Speaker 1:No, we drove down. We stopped at south of the border in between North Carolina, South Carolina, On the way down and on the way back yep. How was the car ride you?
Speaker 2:know this is before devices and TVs and cars and stuff like that. Do you?
Speaker 1:I don't remember a ton about the car ride. I do remember that it was in my dad's Buick, which was previously my grandfather's car, which actually was my first car. That was a really great car. That's awesome. That car had an 8-track player. I miss that car. That was a really great car. That's awesome. That car had an 8-track player. I miss that car. It was a big boat of a car. It was an 82 Buick LeSabre it was. I remember it being perfectly fine. It was the longest that I had ever been in a car I can imagine. Sure, we had done a few trips with my grandparents his parents to Pennsylvania when I was younger than that, when they were still alive, and we did one trip to Wisconsin, but New York to Florida was definitely the longest drive. All right, yeah Well that's good, yeah.
Speaker 2:So overall, good memories Do you have? Overall, I would say good memories, okay, all right, all right. Well, let's segue into Christmas now. Let's do it Well. Actually, like I said, I'm going to try to take some of the questions and make them Christmassy. So one of the questions was what was it about your dad that bothered you most? So I'm going to say what was it about your dad, as it relates to Christmas, that bothers you most? This is like that game you play when you get the fortune cookies and you add in bed at the end. So I'm going to just add at Christmas or about Christmas. So what about Christmas and your dad bothered you most? In the moment, not memories, but like at the time, the train board.
Speaker 1:Really, honey, Do tell. Yeah, we have talked about this in previous episodes, but he was a big collector of Lionel trains and in the basement of the house he had a big board. It was essentially a deck in the basement it was like a 12 by 12 board. We had the beams underneath it and it was probably about three, three and a half feet high three, three and a half feet high and on that board were all the trains, the tracks, the buildings, the houses, the people, all of the decorative items that he had to go along with the trains. He basically just made a little village of trains in the basement and every year when he started I think I want to say the first year that he did, it was, I don't know, 86, 87, somewhere around there we were down there every single weekend.
Speaker 2:Sorry, can I interrupt? Had he been collecting before that? And this was just when he first started.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so his parents gave him his first train, I want to say when he was probably six or seven years old, so it was a lifelong thing for him it was a lifelong thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and he was born in 47, so we'll probably talk about mid-50s, and he just kind of increased the collection over the years from there and he had tons of them which are now, I believe, in Michael's hands. Yeah, so the trains were great, but spending as much time as we did on that train board, I mean it was pretty much all weekend long. As, as everybody knows we've talked about this in past I lived with my mom, saw my dad on weekends. You know they, we alternated weekends, so it was frequently all day saturday, all day sunday, until we went home probably like for like from I don't know what.
Speaker 2:Thanksgiving on like any, oh no, sooner, sooner, even probably september.
Speaker 1:Oh gosh, oh yeah, it was a nightmare. So this wasn't like just one weekend. Oh no, sooner, sooner, even, probably september. Oh gosh, oh yeah, it was a nightmare.
Speaker 2:So this wasn't like just one weekend. Oh no, this wasn't one weekend, this was, this was a season it's amazing how, no matter how often I hear you or one of your brothers talk about this, I always learned something new.
Speaker 1:I don't think I had realized that, that it it took just that long yeah, I mean the board that he had set up stayed as a permanent fixture and in the rest of the year, when the train board was not active, everything got put away, cleaned and stored underneath the board, yeah, and then when we took everything back out, he would do a new setup. But yeah, this was like a three-month-long adventure. He had a bunch of lights and, like the light poles, they had to be wired underneath, underneath, which we didn't really know how to do the wiring, so we would put them on, he would go under need the board, he would connect the wires, yeah, and just everything had to be set up, perfect. There were usually three or four or five tracks that were running like inside one another. Yeah, it was.
Speaker 2:It was a lot and I, you know, I'm trying to think of what like memories I have from being a child, like the more you can be involved, the more you can contribute, probably the better the overall association is. I would guess correct me if I'm wrong that you didn't. You boys didn't get a lot of input into how it was going to be done, or you were mostly just executing the pretty much, yeah, our contributions were, yeah, largely limited.
Speaker 1:To put this here, do this, do that. As far as creative input, not really so much.
Speaker 2:Most of it was, and do you think that probably accounts for why it's not necessarily a fond memory for most of you, probably. I don't want to speak for your brothers, but to look when you look back on it, that that's the part you remember. It's just the work of it, the burden of it. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I think that's a really good point to make. I think that was a big part of why it was so not enjoyable, because it was essentially free child labor for him.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, and it's something that should be for kids, right? He started it when he was a kid, but something that should be for kids, right? I mean, he started it as when he was a kid, but he never was able to transition that, I feel like, to your thing.
Speaker 1:It always remained it was all about him. Joe and mike got really into the trains. Jack was a lot more into the trains than I was. I mean not that I wasn't into them, I really enjoy them, they were really cool, but it just wasn't what I wanted to spend all day saturday and all day sunday to to do. We were going over there to see him, not to.
Speaker 2:Well, you were the oldest too. I'm sure that always contributes. I'm sure it probably did a little bit as a fellow oldest. I mean, there's always that level of it's ultimately your responsibility and you probably outgrow it before the others do. As a result of your age. You want to be doing other things hanging out with your friends but you're pulled back into this family activity that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and again, if he had made it out to be something that was more, then maybe it would have been different, but it was all about him. At Christmas they had a big gathering. A lot of their friends and families from respective jobs would come over. Usually the last, probably the last weekend before Christmas, usually on a Friday or a Saturday night, big party, a lot of food, all of that nonsense, and so it was a great time for him. And you know, I'm sure for Rosemary it was probably a lot of work too, because she was probably doing 95% of the getting ready part of it. Yeah, yeah, it wasn't all bad, but it just it wasn't my thing.
Speaker 2:I know I hear you All right. Well, what about a happier? So I don't wanna, because I know what's coming on the episode with your siblings. So maybe we shouldn't talk about a happier Christmas memory because I think we kind of got into that. Okay, yeah, unless there's something that you can think of that we didn't talk about. I'm curious what about prior to Rosemary and the kids coming along, when you were even younger and you would go to what was then your grandparents' house at Christmas and it was just you and Jack? Do you remember anything from that time and are there any Christmas memories? I mean, your grandfather was a chef. Were there any food memories, any Greek stuff?
Speaker 1:I don't remember a lot of like the holiday meals. I mean his. My papa's last christmas was 1984. He died in may of 85, so I mean I was nine so I really wasn't paying much attention to specifically there weren't.
Speaker 2:There weren't like traditions. You know, one thing people probably don't know is it wasn't a big family, right, there weren't siblings. Your dad was an only child. Your grandparents didn't have siblings that lived close by. There weren't aunts and uncles and cousins. It was really just you guys. It was a pretty low-key event. There wasn't anything that was overly memorable that stood out, totally the opposite of when you were with your mom's family.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, it was a village when we get together out in Greenport.
Speaker 2:Yeah, two really different childhood experiences, definitely.
Speaker 1:I mean, there's nothing bad that I remember at all. I'm sure all the Christmases there were perfectly fine, but nothing that's well, I'm listening.
Speaker 2:I would imagine that the our dead dad's loyal listeners thank you, um would be interested just to hear in general, like what are some of your just overall forget your dad favorite memories of christmas or? Um, as a kid growing up, what did you look forward to the most every year? Were you a build a snowman kind of a guy? Were you trying to find where your mom hid the presents?
Speaker 1:No, Well, yes, my brother and I, at a certain point, probably looked around a few times. Once we knew who the presents were coming from, we had a general idea of where she kept them, but we didn't really find anything in an unwrapped state. Usually, anytime that we located anything was always wrapped.
Speaker 2:And you weren't brave enough to try to unwrap.
Speaker 1:No, no no, no, good boys, I wasn't that good no I didn't want to get my ass beat.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I think you were. You were a good, you were a well-behaved child. In that regard, you wouldn't have been mischievous that way yeah, yeah, um, christmas was always a great time.
Speaker 1:Uh, again, even though I don't have a ton of specific memories of my dad's side, just at my mom's house After moving to Shirley, when we went out to Greenport for Christmas at my grandparent's house, or whoever was having Christmas, it was always a good time. Everybody was there. Presents Christmas story was playing on the TV. Well, a Christmas story, yeah, after 1983, I think it was Probably the late 80s is when we really got into that tradition. That was a good time. As we were growing up, we would frequently play some random card game, especially in high school and college. Oh, really, I didn't know that. Yeah, there were a lot of games that the cousins played.
Speaker 2:By the time I joined the scene. We should say that there were so many people in the house that there wasn't room for much other than sitting at the table and just eating. There was a lot of us.
Speaker 1:By the time you came around in 2006, it was pretty close to chaos. By that point, keith and Vanessa already had Naomi. It was a lot of people by that point. But yeah, christmas in general was a great time. I enjoyed, and still enjoy, being around everybody just getting together and just spending time together. Grammy and Grampy always made way too damn much food. If there were 20 people in the house, there was easily food for 50.
Speaker 2:I can confirm this.
Speaker 1:Yes, everybody always got sent home with leftovers.
Speaker 2:That tradition, by the way, did not die out with that generation. His mother has carried it on and if it were not for me, Nick would carry it on too. He tends to always look at me and say is that all you got, whenever we're hosting or I'm not necessarily sure that I put it that way. There were a few times early on. I think maybe you've wised up a little bit in that regard. Or maybe I think maybe you've wised up a little bit in that regard. Or maybe I think during those Texas years entertaining more and bigger groups, yes, and it probably did get a little bit overboard, but I remember a few times early on that you would look at me and not think that we had enough food, for sure, definitely. So I remember that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think now you trust me more obviously, it's been a long time. I mean it's been a long time and I mean you've had a little bit, yeah, but I'll, I mean, listen. And no, this is not disrespect or even a criticism, it's just culture shock. I'll never forget those first couple of holidays at your grandmother's house, or even just dinners at your mom's house, being like who else is coming? Because I just couldn't believe how much food there was and how much variety there was. But hey, we're good with leftovers, we're definitely good with leftovers, please.
Speaker 1:My mother still does it. I mean, my last trip up to New York we were just having dinner, just the two of us, and there's enough food for like six people. Like what the hell? Oh, there'll be leftovers. Yeah, that's great. And then the next meal she's making another meal.
Speaker 2:That's okay, nobody ever goes hungry in this family? Nobody ever goes hungry in this family, that is for sure. Okay, oh, here's a good one that ties into food. This is a non-Christmas related question, but since it ties in, I'll ask it there, not here. Yep, this question is from a listener. It says if you had the ability to choose it or plan it what was your last meal on earth?
Speaker 1:be Ah, last meal on earth. Be ah, last meal on earth. Well, I don't have a last meal designed and planned out in my head. Over the years I think there have been multiple things that I have said that I would either want or would want to be a part of the first meal that you ever made for me. Uh, is part of that. I mean now, let's just say, if this is going to be my dying meal, then I'm going to stuff myself stupid and not really care, absolutely as as we all.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, nobody's last meal is a sensible turkey sandwich.
Speaker 1:Oh, definitely not and if it is a salad or right. And if you're having a salad, then you did it wrong.
Speaker 2:You just did it wrong uh, yours are broken.
Speaker 1:Bonus points oh, I know it's from my broken.
Speaker 2:I was gonna say bonus points to the first listener who yeah, that's okay well, too late for that too late sorry, we'll think of something else.
Speaker 1:At some point we can give bonus points so what?
Speaker 2:what would be included in it?
Speaker 1:so off the top of your head first meal that you ever made for me, which was, um, fried breaded chicken cutlets, better dorso and broccoli. That would be part of it. What else would be part of it? There would have to be white castle in there. I mean, sorry, but I hear you guys, I would definitely want a slice of your kentucky bourbon pie okay. That has become one of my all-time ever favorite Christmas dessert.
Speaker 2:No, no, no. Thanksgiving, babe, thanksgiving, I'm sorry, and we missed it this year. I didn't make it this year because we were on the show.
Speaker 1:Are we making it for Christmas?
Speaker 2:I'm not making it for Christmas. Christmas is cheesecake. I make my Christmas cheesecake. Well, and all the Christmas cookies, of course. Yeah, but no, I'm not sorry. Sorry, this is not. The list is long.
Speaker 1:The schedule is full if somebody's listening and plans on making kentucky bourbon pie and wants to invite me for christmas eve dinner, open invites. You'll have to pay for the ticket out of tampa if you don't live not happening.
Speaker 2:I'm just kidding, all right, okay, so the kentucky jerby pie. I was thinking of more things like, I guess, just junk food, junk food-y things that I know you love, like Oreos, oreos.
Speaker 1:Yeah, put a sleeve of Oreos in there, like I would just sit there with a bag of Goldfish. I want some Goldfish crackers.
Speaker 2:I want a bag of Goldfish the extra cheddar.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the cheddar blasted or flavored cheddar or flavored butter, whatever they are.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would get original. Want like crunchy salt, like I'd eat pretzels and potato chips yeah, we're getting you all that big ass bag pretzels.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what else?
Speaker 2:I want some meatloaf, geez what else there's so many, I know it's hard to narrow it down. Well, that's all right, that's a pretty good.
Speaker 1:I think that's a pretty good and no, I'm not having a salad, because salad's just gonna take up room for the really important stuff. I try to eat salad during the rest of my life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't think you don't have to worry about your cholesterol if it's your life. No, definitely not.
Speaker 1:You need some really good Chinese food for sure that's a good one Some boneless spare ribs and some rice.
Speaker 2:As all the actual Chinese people of the world cringe, that you consider boneless spare ribs to be Chinese, whatever.
Speaker 1:No, I'm kidding that you consider boneless spare ribs to be whatever. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding anybody who gets boneless bears from a chinese restaurant, especially if you're from new york. Then you can relate, and if you can't, well then sorry you should try it.
Speaker 2:Truthfully, what I hope is is that I don't ever have to be faced with this question. I mean, let's face it. Most people who get faced with this question are on death row, so let's hope we're never yeah, I mean most people don't get to choose their last meal, so it's really just another way of saying what's your favorite foods to pig out on if nobody's listening.
Speaker 1:Most people don't get to choose, but I hope that if I'm not choosing my last meal, it's also not because I died in a plane crash. All right.
Speaker 2:Well, how about this? This is just popping into my head. What about if you could design the perfect last day on Earth? How perfect last day on earth. How would you want?
Speaker 1:to spend it. You don't call it the hot seat for nothing. Is this a day with you?
Speaker 2:and me, or If I'm still around on your last day on earth and you want to invite me, then I guess it's your last day you get to decide who's there and where you are and what you're doing.
Speaker 1:We're going to make a big breakfast together. We're going to go find a park or a beach or both, for a long walk. That'll be in the morning, because you know it's going to be a very long day yeah, oh.
Speaker 2:Would we have biscuits and gravy for breakfast, because that's a good thing to add to your last meal that let's do biscuits and gravy for breakfast. Love that. Um. I think it's probably been discussed, but nick makes about the best biscuits, although also pancakes. My mother would argue that your pancakes should be part of that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, she will definitely argue that we can do both. I would want to. After breakfast and a nice walk on the beach, I would want to sit in our backyard. Again, this is assuming that you're still alive. Better be Well. Yeah, seriously, you're not allowed to outlive me, but you also tell me I'm not allowed to outlive you. I know I am also.
Speaker 2:We're going to die together.
Speaker 1:Sit in the backyard Sit in the backyard and just reminisce about our lives. Talk about everything amazing that has happened, and probably a few of the bad things, like you know, that time when I burned dinner no, just kidding, it's only happened like once in almost 19 years. Just talk about how fortunate I've been and, of course, because you'll be there how fortunate we have been and at night, make an amazing dinner and then go buy some fireworks Don't care if they're illegal and just blow up the block.
Speaker 2:Really Not a fire, actual fire. Fire Because you love to build a fire, oh no, I don't want to to burn the neighborhood down.
Speaker 1:I want to set off a shit ton of fireworks. Really Okay, that surprises me. Well, that's something that, again, I grew up watching Grampy and Uncle Pete doing for like 30 years. Every year Fourth of July Carnival out in Greenport. They were always setting off the fireworks. Yep, and I mean we, it's Florida, so we have access to fireworks. I don't know if we have, I don't think we have year round access, but I'll find a way to get my hands on certain states, certain states you can get them anytime.
Speaker 1:And yeah, just shoot off a shit ton of fireworks, and if I would be unable to do it, then I'll hire somebody to do it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's no fight for your last day on earth. No, absolutely not. So I'm curious. I don't think this is sort of the way your brain works. So I'm not surprised that that's your day, and mine would be much the same. The first thing I thought of was I'd want to be on a beach, for sure, yeah, but with you, obviously. But what about anything like? Because if it's your last day on earth, you don't really have anything to be afraid of, right? So is there anything that you would love to do that maybe, like your more sensible self, wouldn't let you do like jump out of a plane or something? But if it was your last day on earth, you'd just say, screw it and do it yeah, I would possibly go skydiving.
Speaker 1:Uh, maybe bungee jumping oh, not me, never uh I would, yeah, I think, skydiving is probably the biggest one and even though I know they always say you can't like have your phones on you or whatever, I would make sure I have a bunch of gopros attached to me well, usually, yeah, it gets filmed.
Speaker 2:I think, yeah, the video and not you, not that you can take it with you where you're gone.
Speaker 1:Well, that's true but you know somebody else can see the pictures of the video after I'm gone. Um, I would still want to have my phone or camera with me, just so I could have the experience of taking those pictures again. What are they going?
Speaker 2:to do to you exactly last. I'll be dead.
Speaker 1:Just take it nothing they can do about it exactly I love it yeah uh, other as for any other really crazy things, I don't know what else don't I like oh, I know one that I would want to do.
Speaker 2:I would want to give away all my money, like I'd want to I don't know make a list or just walk into a Walmart and hand people $100 bills and stuff, like I always just love that. That like what do they call it? Like unexpected act of kindness kind of a thing? Yeah, I would love to do that If I knew I was not going to be here. That would be a super cool experience.
Speaker 2:Whether it's just find a random person, find more people and just make their day by giving them a thousand bucks. I mean, let's see how much money we have.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, In the meantime it would be fun.
Speaker 2:Maybe we'll do that the day before, though, because that's not how I'd want to spend my last day but all right, we'll do that.
Speaker 1:I'd like to do that the day before me. See, meanwhile, a lot of people are going to hear this and be like, oh, I need to become friends with them, because then they're going to want to be no, no, it's strangers.
Speaker 2:I'm not giving it to people. I know that's right, it's to be strange.
Speaker 1:Yeah sorry, family and friends, you're not getting it total strangers max is still here, then she's getting everything yeah, we're not those people.
Speaker 2:Maxi's still here.
Speaker 1:We're in trouble, babe we better get going, we're in trouble I mean she's gonna be 19 in may. I don't think she's gonna be here and I hope we.
Speaker 2:I mean, I hate to say it I don't want anything to happen to her, but we better outlive her. Yes, we better outlive her. Oh my goodness, yeah, do you have any pets with your dad ever when you were a kid? The only we'll see he. We interrupted this podcast for a random question.
Speaker 1:This podcast, the only we'll see. We interrupted this podcast for a random question. We interrupted this podcast.
Speaker 2:So he had a dog named Alex, I don't remember. It's a weird name. Can I say that's a?
Speaker 1:weird name for a dog. It was a weird name for a dog, yeah, I don't quite know why. When was this Alex passed away? When I was seven or eight, I think, oh, okay, early 80s, I'm pretty sure. I don't know if my mom and my dad got Alex together or if he had Alex before they knew each other.
Speaker 2:Oh, but Alex was part of. Let's Ask your Mom. I've never heard of Alex before. I don't think. Yes, Alex, interesting you know funny I was.
Speaker 1:I had opened up the envelope yesterday with his death certificate in there and in there are a couple pictures as one does.
Speaker 2:Yes, actually that's a fun story. We can tell everybody why you're doing it. But finish the Alex story. You opened up the envelope.
Speaker 1:I opened up the envelope with his death certificates in there and there are a handful of pictures of Alex in there and one of the specific requests that he had when he was cremated and we buried his remains in the cemetery next to his parents is he had a little box with alex's really in there.
Speaker 2:He wanted that to be buried see, that's that side of your dad that it's just so hard to pinpoint or to explain. But he had that right that this dog now has been gone for how many years I don't know, 30?. Probably close to 40 years and yet, and he never had another dog.
Speaker 1:No, they actually had. So Dad and Rosemary had Suki. Oh right, suki, suki man, she was a little shit, little bitch bit me the first time that I saw her and then after that she loved me, of course, uh she what kind of a dog was suki? Um, I'm not really sure what kind of a dog she was. Um mike, an advanced dog momo yeah, kind of look.
Speaker 2:Okay, so a big smaller. Oh, she was small.
Speaker 1:She was pretty small.
Speaker 2:Okay, um, she was, I don't know, brownish tannish uhish, do I want to ask what happened to Suki? Suki was not a part of the picture by the time I arrived. She eventually went off to a farm.
Speaker 1:Oh, really, isn't that what happened in Friends? Oh, I mean, she lived out a full life, oh she did Okay. Yeah, she lived out a full life.
Speaker 2:I only ask because Rosemary doesn't seem like a dog person to me. Is that not true? Just because her house is so neat and clean all the time you take your shoes off?
Speaker 1:I'm pretty sure Suki was actually Rosemary's dog. I don't think they got them together Got her together, right yeah all right, but apparently, as a story came up in one of the past episodes, apparently there was a second dog.
Speaker 2:Oh, don't tell this story. Oh, no, that was in. Was that that was in helene's episode? I feel that was helene's. Yeah, so we, so they've listeners have heard that near the end of their time as a married couple.
Speaker 1:Dad brought home and she said get rid of it did not work out.
Speaker 2:Go back to episode 22 and you will. Yeah, that's the 22 with helene's interview and you'll learn all about it, okay so do you want to tell everybody why you are opening up the envelope with your dad? One listener in particular will be happy to hear that this is finally happening.
Speaker 1:So my sister-in-law, Kim Jack's wife, and he married a Kim because he wants to be just like me we all know that and because she's amazing. So she happened to be browsing, I think, like the state comptroller website, whatever, probably looking for them and for Jack, but looking for unclaimed funds.
Speaker 2:I don't know if she set out, but somehow she knew that there was this database or this thing where you could look to see if there were any unclaimed funds that were owed to you from various sources.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and of course she. I don't know if maybe she was looking for Jack or if he was looking, because they share the same name, but she realized that his name, jack's real name is John.
Speaker 2:John is your dad's name, so they have the same legal name and John.
Speaker 1:Gaylord came up, but with his last address in Shirley. Your dad's, my dad's, yes, so she had mentioned the last time that we were up there.
Speaker 2:He's mentioned it for a while now, but yeah, you're right, when we saw her, in October, she brought it up.
Speaker 1:Right when we saw her in October she brought it up. And yesterday I oh wait, wait, and yesterday.
Speaker 2:I oh, wait, wait. But she knew the source. Wasn't that the whole part of it? Yeah, yeah, she knew that this database tells you who owes you the money, but it doesn't tell you how much.
Speaker 1:It doesn't say how much. It doesn't say if it went through. So I have no idea the amount. It could be a million dollars, but who's it from? Who owes your dad?
Speaker 2:money.
Speaker 1:It's the publisher's house, ed mcmahon's 10 million dollars.
Speaker 2:It's just sitting there because we never claimed it, so anyway, but I guess, uh, you needed the death certificate to be able to access it, so kim couldn't.
Speaker 1:So kim couldn't because I was kind of in charge of everything when he died. So I have the death certificates and I was thinking of it. Yesterday I went online during lunch and looked at it and you actually can claim something from a deceased party, but you have to prove that you're yeah, entitled Related entitled. So one of the things they need is a copy of the death certificate, so I will have to send that. So yes, I pulled out the envelope To be continued, right.
Speaker 2:Well, maybe by the next hot seat episode we'll have a resolution, we'll have uh let's see how the wheels of uh government run slowly, I don't know. Publishers clearinghouse update um like 11 it's probably 11 so yeah, but much like the whopping inheritance you got from his last social security. Oh yeah, that great had to be divided among all the kids.
Speaker 1:It was like $265 for all of us each? Yeah, not exactly enough to book a cruise. But yeah so I don't have any information as to an amount or anything like that, but I have to get that form filled out, send in a copy of the death certificate and we'll go from there. They'll probably, I imagine they'll send a check to each of his living heirs, and yeah. So who knows?
Speaker 2:hysterical, hysterical. Yeah, it's going to be like 47 cents. I promise it really is.
Speaker 1:I 100 promise you yeah, somebody's gonna pull this out of the database.
Speaker 2:They're gonna probably see them out and they're going to laugh and they're like, really they wanted to come after this um, when, um, a brief sort of not so funny opposite version of that is, when my dad died, he didn't have a will or anything that we knew of and, to the best of our knowledge, he didn't really have any sort of assets or anything that were really in his name, right, um, but we were afraid that potentially there could be creditors out there who were going to come after the estate Right, were there one for some money. So my sisters and I were asked what we wanted to do, and one of the options was to just give up any claim to the estate. So, and that's what we did, right, so we didn't get anything, but we didn't actually have to fight with anybody over anything either. We just sort of walked away from everything. What I would be curious to know is if, if there was a database for things to be collected against the dead, my father would probably be on that list.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah one of the things that I had to do, that we all kind of had to do after he died, was call the doctor's offices hospitals and whatever, and cancel all the bills that were in her name and they tried to get you to pay everything.
Speaker 1:Well, most of them, I will say most of the places were really great. I mean, there was one hospital bill that was like $60,000 and called them and said you know, he passed away, if you need I'll send you, and most of them were all great. They said, no, you know, you're good, you know. And most of them were all great.
Speaker 2:They said no, you're good. Most of them said we can verify it. Wasn't somebody weird like I don't know his cell phone, like Verizon or something? Yeah, who was?
Speaker 1:like really, yeah, and I do not have Verizon service, so I don't really care about saying this.
Speaker 2:But don't sue us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, don't sue us. It wasn't Verizon, it's the company's fault. The one agent that I had talked to was trying to cancel his cell phone bill. It was I don't know like $120 or whatever. And now everybody else that I had spoken to was started with I'm sorry for your loss, my condolences. Blah, blah, blah. As soon as I said my dad passed away, I'd like to close the account. The very next thing, this guy said okay, well, there's a balance due. And I said and Like, well, I need to know how you're going to settle that. And I said I think I just did. I told you that he died and well, we still need to get paid.
Speaker 2:the guy said I'm laughing because I just cannot imagine that's what they're trained. I cannot believe it, I can't imagine. There's just no way. I actually said to the guy like well, he crazy glue, put them back together and try to tell them listen, send you 120. I think had there been funds available that you could have paid the bill. But, as I think we've all, we all know at this point, your dad didn't have any money. No, everything was going to his facility that he was staying in. He didn't have any income, right, social security went right to that. So last three thousand dollars that was in his account went to pay all this final expenses, exactly. So that was the end of that and Verizon did not get their hundred and whatever.
Speaker 1:They did not get their money. Yeah, the guy was a real tool, yeah, and he was like well, we have to get paid. Now, I mean, when I've got hospital. And I told the guy I've got a hospital that just wiped out a $60,000 bill and you're going to fight with me about $120. So no, it didn't happen. And he's like we also need his cell phone to be sent back. Like, well, good luck with that?
Speaker 2:Is he renting it or something?
Speaker 1:I don't even know this is a man that still had a flip phone. He had like a circa 2004 phone.
Speaker 2:See, it's nice, we can still laugh at the good you know A lot of the questions that we're not going to talk about. We'll sort of save for next time. People are always curious to ask about, like are there things about your dad that make you laugh? Are there things that make you sad? And it is nice to know that we can still laugh.
Speaker 1:Well, there's even a lot of things.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's a lot of things, even if it's quote-unquote, making fun of them or or you know it comes from.
Speaker 1:That's that whole dark humor well, yes, this is where my fluency and dark humor and sarcasm comes from. There were a lot of things about him that irritated me many times through majority of my life. But yeah, of course.
Speaker 2:But even those now, when you look back, we can laugh at right. I mean the certain flashback earlier in the episode you were talking about the trains and your dad having to crawl underneath to hook up the electrical. And I didn't say it but in my head I was like Wait, you mean he got off the couch. I've never seen him vertical the whole time he was alive that I've been apart. I don't know that I maybe once I saw him get up to go to the bathroom, but whenever we would visit he would just be sitting on the couch and people would just bring him things.
Speaker 1:Well, again, this is right. This is back in the late 80s, when he was still had his mobility. All right, it was a All right.
Speaker 2:I think this is a really great question, so I was saving it for the end. I hope it's a great question. I hope we're not putting you so much on the hot seat that you can't think of anything. But if you can, it might, you know, might take us home, we'll see what happens. But so this is the question Can you share any funny or unexpected moments that happened during recording of this podcast? We love called Our Dead Dads.
Speaker 1:Funny or unexpected. Well, most of them don't make it to air.
Speaker 2:Well, that's why they want to know. They want to know what they're missing out on, what's on the cutting room floor.
Speaker 1:We've had multiple conversations where there were technical difficulties, either on my end or on my guest's end. I had one interview that early on with Nikki Critchett. I think that was episode six or seven. The original interview did not process when the interview was over, whatever Zoom had to do to process the interview, it just kept spinning over it. Whatever zoom had to do to process, it just kept spinning. It basically kept spinning and ultimately the file with the interview was corrupted. I sent the file to zoom so hopefully they could try to figure out and they couldn't, could not be processed, it could not be retrieved and we had to redo the entire interview and I who does it?
Speaker 1:nikki, for she was a trooper right, because that was an emotional as fuck interview.
Speaker 2:That was a really hard time and I hated to put her through that a second time um yeah, it was one thing when you had to re-record the initial episode with mike and dennis. Yeah, because mike's got a phone call in the middle or something and right, you didn't. Isn't that true? Yes, yeah, we did that's right, that was like way or that was like the beginning beginning. It was one of the first episodes oh, wait a minute.
Speaker 1:Am I misremembering?
Speaker 2:no, the is that what you don't know? It happened with nikki too. I definitely remember that. No something, maybe not nikki, somebody else it was no, maybe there was another one.
Speaker 1:I can honestly, I've done some. Wow, there were. Yeah, there were definitely problems with that one. I can't remember if that was another one. Honestly, I've done so many interviews Wow, there were definitely problems with that one. I can't remember if that was the one that we couldn't retrieve or if that was the one that ended up getting saved. Something happened. I'm pretty sure we did that. But yeah, the interview with Dennis, mike and Ed. I told them specifically do not do this interview on your cell phone. And, of course, what does Mike do? He does. The interview was over and saved. It went to just listen to it to make sure it recorded. Could not hear a thing that mike was saying, right, so an entire interview was shot and we had to re-record the entire, because you you would have gaps when he was talking there.
Speaker 2:it was no way you could have worked around that you had to do the whole thing?
Speaker 1:No, definitely not.
Speaker 2:Gosh, no, listen, hey, this is the joys of technology.
Speaker 1:What?
Speaker 2:about? Has there been anything that obviously you won't be able to tell us what it is? But have you had a listener say something that was just not fit for the public airways and you've had to, or chose to, cut?
Speaker 1:Has that for the public airways and?
Speaker 2:you've had to or chose to cut. Has that happened as far as fit for the public airways? Well, I mean, other than with the boys, because obviously, yeah, I mean as far as being fit for public airwaves.
Speaker 1:Well, the the episode that will air next week. Yeah, there were a few things that may have been said which are not going to be, but of course, this is why you go back and do it no, but like I'm just like with a quote-unquote normal guest.
Speaker 2:Um, has anybody gone down a path that just isn't appropriate for the topic? Or maybe they got political or religious in a way that you didn't feel that you wanted to include, or have been a few political and religious topics that have come up, not really really topics, but conversations.
Speaker 1:Common they would bring that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, I have said from the very beginning I have my particular views on politics and religion, which I will not air on this podcast because this is not the forum for it. If somebody else wants to discuss their views, it's their interview and they can. That's true.
Speaker 2:I guess. So you wouldn't really necessarily, I have no idea, unless it was offensive in any way to our audience.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if it was something that was offensive and just really too far out there, then, yes, I'm going to edit that. I'll let everybody say what they're going to say then, but I might still edit it. I'm sure that there have been a couple of things, but nothing really really crazy. Yeah, but as far as my views, yeah, but as far as like my views, I'm never going to get into it on the show because, again, it's not the place.
Speaker 2:You don't want that to take away from.
Speaker 1:No, I don't, because this is as soon as I start taking positions, then I piss off half the listeners, and that's not what this show is about.
Speaker 2:This show is Well. You might be pissing off the listeners anyway, but for different reasons.
Speaker 1:Right, but this show is about grief and trauma and loss and processing all of it, so we're going to talk about that.
Speaker 2:So anything else sort of weird or random happened during an episode Like I don't know. Did you ever realize somebody didn't have their pants on or a cat jumped across the desk? Well, maxie's made a few appearances.
Speaker 1:Maxie has made a few appearances. Yes, there have been a couple of interviews where cats have jumped up onto the desk, a couple of interviews where cats have jumped up onto the desk.
Speaker 2:For those who don't know, nick's always on a Zoom-type video call while he's recording, except when he and I do it because we're sitting across from each other, right, but when he's doing it with a guest, they're either in the room with him, like I am, or most often they're on a Zoom so they can see each other's worlds.
Speaker 1:Yes, there was one interview. I won't embarrass the person and say who, but her cat had jumped up onto the desk multiple times during the interview, as has happened in several interviews, but one particular time cat was, I guess, rubbing up against the laptop, as Maxie frequently does with mine, and it actually almost fell off the back of the desk and she caught it.
Speaker 2:But that's okay. Someday you'll have a blooper reel on like YouTube or on your video channel. That would be fun.
Speaker 1:Every once in a while the cat will be mentioned in the interview, but there have also been several interviews that I've had where there was a cat or a dog present and we just didn't mention it but we both knew it was going on, it was happening. Yeah, it is sort of interesting, but that was still fun.
Speaker 2:I haven't done this obviously nearly as much as you have, but it is sort of an interesting dynamic to try to stay focused when you're recording when those things happen. I mean just in our normal everyday lives. You and I work both work from home or across the hall from each other. Maxie always wants to be in Nick's office because her chair is right by the window where the sun is, so she loves that spot. But then if she gets down to go get some food or use the loader box or something, if Nick closes his door because he's about to get on a meeting, she'll sit outside his office door and just meow and stare at the door and he can't hear her because he's on the call and he's got his headphones on. So I'll let her in, which means I open the door up just enough that he sees it and he'll see me and not, but he can't look at me because he's on the zoom or whatever you know. So just a little moment. I'm sure so many people can relate to that, who like work from home and stuff.
Speaker 2:Wasn't there that great video during COVID when everybody first started working from home, where the guy was on? He was some business executive, like a banker or something I think it was in Australia and the kids came running in the room and what? And then the mom came in and snatched the kids. It's all kind of video. Yeah, that was a great one. Maybe you could drop that in the link somewhere I know which video you're talking about.
Speaker 1:I'll see if I can find that. Yeah, it was funny, the things that we didn't know about prior to 2020, because most people were not working remotely and transitioning to well. It just never happened before.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it just never happened. All those memes that started about people only dressing from the waist up and only putting on makeup when they knew they were going to be on camera versus you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean there was the kids. There was, um, there was one interview I think it was a bbc interview where there was a lady being interviewed and, like, her bookshelf was behind her and she had a dildo on the bookshelf until afterwards. Somebody always points it out after. Yeah, somebody always points it out afterwards. Yeah, somebody always points it out afterwards. Yeah, not to judge, you know, have whatever you want in your home, all about that, but I always try to be careful. What's in the background?
Speaker 2:Well, I think they say you should act as though it's your office at work, not your home office. So probably if you wouldn't bring it into the office. Anyway, we digress Exactly.
Speaker 1:The only things that are on my wall are a few pictures of New York and my bulletin board with a whole bunch of my quotes and phrases which are not at all offensive.
Speaker 2:I don't think so. Most of them are motivational yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they're supposed to be inspirational, motivational.
Speaker 2:All right, so I didn't tell you this, but I was thinking that a good way to end this episode might be to just give you a chance to talk a little bit about this past year. We'll call it year one, not that you have seasons really on this podcast, but talk a little bit about sort of what year one has meant to you, what it's been like or brought you, or what was expected, what was unexpected. And then also, I think the listeners would probably love to know what you have in store, what you are thinking about for 2025.
Speaker 1:Well, that's a great question. Thank you for that. So this has been a bizarre year. This has really been interesting. It started off January 1st being unemployed Happy New Year. Happy New Year, no job. But I knew that was happening. Uh, the job that I had like two weeks before it wasn't like I mean. I had a at least a little bit of an idea that was a possibility. But then, yes, found out, uh, probably about a week before Christmas, that my contract was absolutely not being renewed and as of December 31st I would be done. January 1st I have no job.
Speaker 2:And for those who have ever tried to get hired at a new job during the holidays, you know how almost impossible that is.
Speaker 1:Yes, even though he was looking Especially in the pharma clinical trial industry.
Speaker 2:A lot of industries.
Speaker 1:It's just a lot of industries, definitely this industry in the beginning of 2024 was slow and it took until the end of March before I started my current job. So I basically started unemployed, looking like crazy for jobs, and eventually decided to figure out what I want to do to occupy some of my time, and the idea, as I think I've already talked about probably many times the idea of doing a podcast came up and I knew I really wanted to do it about grief, based on my experience with my dad. And I knew I really wanted to do it about grief based on my experience with my dad, and so spent a lot of time building it, planning all the ideas, how this was going to work, starting from scratch.
Speaker 2:You had never done this before you didn't know.
Speaker 1:I have zero previous experience in media or television or radio, podcasting anything like that, and I was really kind of winging it. I took the class. That kind of learned a lot of information there.
Speaker 1:But other than that, google that, google the set of stuff I'm imagining and just had to ask a lot of questions, talk to a lot of people, find all the information and then bought equipment and started doing the interviews probably late March or early April, dropped the first three episodes in June and didn't really know, or off and running. Yeah, kind of off and running, like is this going to be a thing or is it not? And it has become great. My first decently big interview was Coot Blackson, episode number five. That was a really good get. From the beginning. I was shocked when I reached out to him on Facebook, not thinking that I was going to hear from him. I mean, I'm contacting somebody with like 400,000 followers and I'm like this message is just going to get lost. 20 minutes later he wrote me back. It was like a statery point.
Speaker 2:It was like it was meant to be. It was like it was meant to be. It was it was meant to be. It's like you needed a sign that you were doing the right thing, and that was it.
Speaker 1:And yeah, he was amazing. We had a great conversation.
Speaker 2:You loved it from the beginning, right, I did. You just love talking to people about things you love this exchange you know of, yeah, I love learning as much as I can.
Speaker 1:I love hearing other people's stories, even without all of the experience with talking to people and interviewing people. I mean, as maybe some of the professional experience I have with being a manager or supervisor and doing a lot of interviews for different positions.
Speaker 2:I do have that experience, but we're also not talking about life history and family loss and death and things like that we're talking just learning how to interview somebody is a skill that has to be learned, and you've learned as you went. It's not always been perfect, I'm sure in your mind, but I think the authenticity of it comes across, probably, yep, that you're coming from an authentic place.
Speaker 1:That's something that a lot of people said from the beginning be yourself, just be authentic, and that will translate to the audience, and I hope that I have been able to translate that effectively to the audience. I have never tried to be anything other than just me. I'm as real as it gets when I talk to my guests. All of the guests are the same way when they've come on and I really didn't know what to think about. Would this podcast work out or would it take off? I mean, at this point, this is episode 30. And I know that this is just you and me talking.
Speaker 1:This was one of the designs of the podcast to do an occasional bonus episode where I was going to be on the hot seat and get to answer questions from the listeners. That was one of the things that I put in early on. That's the way the website is designed. Even though I didn't do the website, but I wanted it built in a way so that it's interactive, so that the listeners can actually be involved rather than just them listening to me talk about whatever I'm going to talk about.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, of the podcasts that I listened to, the ones that I think are the most enjoyable are the ones where you do get a little bit of insight into the personality of who the host is and they become part of it, and then their story becomes part of what you're looking for. As each episode unfolds, how does Nick's experience overlap or differentiate or whatever, with the guest Right? So you're not just serving as an interviewer, you're part of the conversation. So I like that about your podcast personally and I like that about the other podcasts I listen to when that's when I feel like the host is being authentic and not just acting as an interviewer. We all like to hear about people. We love to hear about people's lives and, yeah, so it's good.
Speaker 2:So you're gonna keep going. We love to hear about people's lives, yeah, so you're going to keep going. We're not. Oh, yeah, this is just getting started, right.
Speaker 1:We are. I put the Facebook post out there yesterday when I Was it yesterday, no, a couple of days ago when I dropped episode number 29 with John Gerst on Tuesday. I think I said something to the effect of 2024 is winding down, but Our dead dads is heating up and there are a lot of things in the hopper for 2025.
Speaker 2:I was listening to an episode earlier this week, the episode with Eric. I think you talked a little bit about one of the things that you might have in the hopper. That could be fun for some of the listeners for next year. Do you want to?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I have talked about this actually for a couple of months and I know it got a little bit delayed and sorry about that.
Speaker 2:For those who don't know, I'm just going to as the wife throws out there. The amount of time and energy and effort and hours that go into doing what Nick is doing are insane. I have watched every girl show. There is known to man in all the hours that Nick is burning the midnight oil and we're not watching shows together. I'm watching it all because he is working so, so hard. I'm not trying to pat him on the like. This is his choice. He loves doing it. But yeah, if things are sometimes delayed, it's understandable, at least from where I'm sitting, as to why it is.
Speaker 1:But you have also given me the space and the grace and the freedom to do.
Speaker 2:I love my girl show time. I'm not complaining.
Speaker 1:But also the amount of time that this does take. Look, hopefully that is part of one of the things that I'm working on for 2025, being better about it I don't want to say mistake, but one of the things that I did earlier this year. There were several weeks where I had three interviews a week scheduled, and that will not be the case as long as I have a full-time job and until all the listeners can support this financially in a way that allows me to not have to work full-time job, send in donations.
Speaker 1:Right, send in donations or whatever. Maybe someday we'll get a.
Speaker 2:Patreon. Oh, if it's your last day on Earth and you want to give away your money, consider RDDAS asa beneficiary.
Speaker 1:But one of the ways that you will be able to support the show in 2025, if you would like, is the merch shop will be debuting on the website sometime in the first half of January, hopefully shortly after New Year's. I'm looking to hopefully get it the first week, hopefully in time for episode number 32 to drop on January 7th. The merch shop is finally going live. There are going to be all sorts of things.
Speaker 2:Save those Christmas gift cards, save those Visa gift cards.
Speaker 1:There's going to be t-shirts, sweatshirts, hoodies, mugs, hats, baseball hats. There's going to be baseball hats. There are going to be a lot of things. A few other fun things yeah, a few other fun things With the Our Dead Dads logo on it. Some fun sayings.
Speaker 2:There are going to be some T-shirts with some serious sayings some with some really dark humor sayings so yeah, oh, do you want um to encourage listeners to write in with suggestions? That could be fun?
Speaker 1:yeah, so you have a certain thing you say, or amongst your group or in your family, yeah, it is a thing you say, that's topic relevant that'd be fun yeah, if you, if you have anything humor, dark or serious related that you think would make a good saying on a piece of merch.
Speaker 2:Yeah, especially if it's something that you haven't seen out there yet.
Speaker 1:Right, that you wish was out there.
Speaker 2:Maybe Nick could make it happen.
Speaker 1:If you want to put something out there, then yeah, there are multiple contact options on the website to get a hold of me. There is not really specifically one for feedback, but I mean there's the guest posting on the Facebook or post on the Facebook.
Speaker 1:If you're not following me on Facebook, instagram, tiktok you can do that. How will they find you? You can either search for our dead dad's podcast or on Instagram and TikTok. I'm under the username at our dead dad's pod Again, facebook, instagram, tiktok. Coming soon to YouTube. That's another thing that will be happening in 2025 is the video interviews that we've done in the past, as I've edited them, they have not been viewable yet, but in early 2025, the YouTube channel will be fully stocked with episodes that people can watch as well, and once I get to that point where I'm, I upload all the previous ones. As the weekly episodes drop, I will be uploading them to youtube as well as well, and are there a couple of?
Speaker 2:is there at least one?
Speaker 1:I think live that's scheduled yes, we can definitely talk about that. Uh, so, as I've said, january 7th will be the first episode of 2025. Episode number 32,. Courtney Moore will be my guest. The very next day, wednesday, january 8th, I will be doing my very first full live interview. It will be live streamed on Facebook and TikTok. My guest will be Justin Shepard, and anybody who follows him on TikTok knows him better as Justin on TikTok, or now is change his handle to Justin the Nick of Crime, because he has done a he's big true crime guy. He's done a true crime podcast. He has done a lot of true crime stuff, but most people have known him as Justin on TikTok, wait, wait, wait, explain Justin then.
Speaker 2:Oh, just in that, just yes, I heard it as Nick and I was like wait, he's calling himself the Nick of crime. Just in the Nick of crime, just in the Nick of crime. That's so smart.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he's really creative. So Justin will be my guest for the very first ever full live interview on January 8th. The airtime is expected to be around 3 pm Eastern on that Wednesday. So again, I will be live streaming it on Facebook and if as long as I can get it connected, because I still have less than 1,000 followers on TikTok so I'm not going to try to figure it out.
Speaker 2:Everybody who hasn't followed Nick on TikTok, get it out there.
Speaker 1:You need to follow me on TikTok at OurDeadDadsPod, but also Justin will be live streaming it on his TikTok. He has well over a million followers, so all of his audience will be able to see this, and that was his suggestion. He wanted to stream it to get it out there and also, in a really generous effort, to help me build up my account Very nice. So, yeah, justin's a great guy. I've gotten to get to know him pretty well and also he has kind of laid the groundwork for a couple of other interviews. I'm not going to reveal the details just yet, but you're going to. It might be mentioned during the live interview, but I'm not sure. So you're going to have to stay tuned. You're going to have to listen and find out, but there's some good stuff.
Speaker 1:There are two other really significant interviews that I've already got planned for early 2025. These were very public stories when they happened Again, not going to share the details now, but I promise you you know a lot about what happened and you're going to learn a lot more. So stay tuned A lot of big things coming in 2025.
Speaker 2:One of the things that you talk about that resonates with me so much is that everybody has to go through grief at one point in most of us, many points in our lives, and I love that. What a podcast like yours does is say that whether you're Oprah or Joe Oprah or Joe Blow, like it's, the feelings are the same. So as great as it is sometimes to hear those more well-known stories and know what those people are going through and I think it adds a different level of to the grief when you're in the public eye but also that when you listen to somebody who you've never heard of before, who you probably wouldn't have heard of unless that person was on Nick's podcast I mean your friend Eric I said before I was listening this week I mean I know Eric. You obviously know Eric. Nobody else would have had the opportunity to hear that story and possibly benefit from it were he not willing to go onto your podcast and share it and were you not having that podcast to begin with.
Speaker 2:And one of the things you talk about is how you want your guests to help your listeners feel something. What I like about it too, and I was thinking about this when I was listening to you and Eric talk toward the end of the episode was there were going to be people in Eric's life who were going to hear that, who might not have known, and they're now going to be able to be there for him. They're now going to be able to be there for him. They're now going to be able to reach out to him and say, hey, man, I'm so sorry, I didn't know you were going through this. You know my such and such also, and blah, blah and let's talk. So I just love the whole circle of it. As somebody who's more adjacent to it, I'm not spending as much time nearly in the world as you are, but we can all relate to it and it can serve to benefit anybody at any time in different ways. Right, and I love it.
Speaker 1:It's definitely something that I have loved doing and just getting into this world. Eric's episode was actually really well received in terms of downloads and exposure. Oh, that makes me happy. He shared it on his Facebook page.
Speaker 2:He was great, wasn't he a great guest. That was an incredible interview. He's so well-spoken. He's very well-spoken.
Speaker 1:It's great. That was an incredible. He's so well spoken.
Speaker 2:He's very well spoken is nice to see that I actually went to high school with people who's yeah, for a kid from long island, it's kind of yeah, he got out, just left long island yeah, no, it was a great interview.
Speaker 1:It really was. We we had a lot of fun, as anybody knows who listened to it. Yeah, and he is a great example of somebody who he lost his dad when he was six. He's almost 50 and he's still dealing with shit, so it just goes to show you that.
Speaker 2:Well, that's part of the hope for the show, right? Is that maybe if we start teaching the next generation how to grieve in a more meaningful way, it won't have to come back at them 20, 50 years later the way it is with somebody like Eric, if we start to make it more accessible and more acceptable?
Speaker 1:then yeah, just more acceptable and not so taboo To grieve openly to say I'm going through something, I'm not okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, no, I'm not coming to work tomorrow because my dad died three days ago and you're like I need to process this. Or like you've said a hundred times, all sorts of grief that people go through.
Speaker 1:And I know that we specifically talked in that interview about the way that our parents' generation dealt with it. Not to ever say that they dealt with things wrong, I still think that they did the best they could with the tools that they had, even though we didn't know at the time that they were not given enough of the tools or the right tools to deal with it. But it was what it was. Keep growing, keep changing. Yeah, I think we're getting better as people and as society. We still have a long way to go, but, like you said, that's exactly why I'm doing this podcast. Just start the conversation.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm so proud of you. Thanks for letting me be a part of this.
Speaker 1:Well, thank you for being a part of it and thank you again for giving me the space and the grace and the time to do this and for putting up with.
Speaker 2:Thanks for taking the week of Christmas off so my family can come visit. Yes, I appreciate it. I will tolerate your family being in my house.
Speaker 1:I love that your family is coming. They know that I'm so excited and, yeah, that's why I'm trying to do a lot of work in the next few days, so that I will be doing nothing podcast related while they're here. I will have the interview for next week scheduled.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and ready, awesome, ready to go. Both of us, me too. No trip, well, no trip planning next week, for sure, yeah hopefully no trip planning. I have a couple of clients traveling over the holidays, of course, that I'll be checking in on, but other than that, we're going to enjoy time with family. We're going to be grateful that everybody's coming to stay and there's going to be a lot of food, babe, I promise. Oh, please Bring us back to that one from before.
Speaker 2:There's going to be so damn much food, oh my goodness, kentucky, derby, bourbon pie no there's not going to be Kentucky Derby pie, but there'll be other things. What is the Kentucky Derby pie? Kentucky Derby pie? I don't remember why it's called that, but it's basically a pecan pie with chocolate and bourbon in it. It's basically the gist of a Kentucky Derby. You can find recipes all over the interweb so fucking good.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's why it's become my favorite pie. I'm not even a big pecan fan, but that pie yeah. But you had chocolate and bourbon.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, you had chocolate and bourbon. Oh my gosh, we didn't mention chocolate in your last meal. How could we have that's? Your favorite thing in the whole world is chocolate Fried chicken. Well, you mentioned the cutlets, but yeah. But I mean also chicken at All? Right, well, we'll add chocolate to your last meal list. Yeah, there has to be chocolate. There'll be chocolate over the holiday. Oh, I know there will. Yeah, all right, I love you.
Speaker 1:I love you. Are we done? I think we're done. I'm going to close this out, okay, and everybody's going to move on to the next episode. Yes, 2025.
Speaker 1:As I previously mentioned, there's only one more episode to go in 2024. That will be next Tuesday, when we get the gang all back together for a special Christmas episode. We're going to talk about old Christmas memories and traditions and some new ones that everybody has been creating as they have expanded their families. Please remember that there will not be an episode the following Tuesday, which is New Year's Eve, but we will, as we've already said, return on January 7th for episode number 32 with Courtney Moore, and then the very next day, wednesday, january 8th, will be the live streamed episode with Justin Shepard. You probably also know him as Justin on TikTok, and if you miss the live, then it will be added later on to the podcast, but not right away, so you're going to have to wait a few days, so try to get on and watch the show live. We have so much to talk about on both of those interviews that week, so please make sure that you're following the podcast on your favorite listening platform and on all of my social media accounts so that you don't miss these episodes or any others.
Speaker 1:If you have a story of grief and loss to share and might want to be considered as a future guest on Our Dead Dads, go to OurDeadDadscom. Go to the Contact Us link and then select Be a Guest, fill out the form, send it in and you just might be able to tell your own story and carry on this mission of helping ourselves and so many others. Again, there are no rules to navigating grief and there's no timeline for doing it either. Everybody needs to go at their own pace, but the most important thing to understand is that nobody is alone in grief or should ever feel like they don't have someone to talk to or who will listen to them. Here at Our Dead Dads, within the safe space of this community, you always have both. This is Our Dead Dads, where we are changing the world, one damage soul at a time. See you next time.