Our Dead Dads
The concept of Our Dead Dads was born through the daily discussions of seven men who share bonds of blood, friendship and all having lost their fathers. Nick Gaylord, the show’s host, shares his life experiences with his deceased father while exploring the complications and realities of that relationship. Life is intense, grief and loss come in many forms, and no parent-child relationship is black and white, which is why this show touches on all shades of grey.
Join Nick for candid conversations with his three brothers and three of his lifelong friends, along with other special guests who discuss their experiences with loss, grief, laughter, and moving forward. Nothing is off-limits here. Nick learned after his father's passing that he couldn't process what he was going through alone and sought the help of a therapist, who helped him to let go of his anger toward his father. Looking back, he realized just how many people are being crushed under the weight of grief, loss, and in some cases, anger.
Nick's mission through Our Dead Dads is to offer a platform for anyone who needs or wants to tell their story, to have that opportunity. He also hopes to reach many more who need to talk but don't know how to start the conversation, hopeful that by listening to these stories, they will be able to start talking with someone.
Nick has always sought to help others and to make everyone around him laugh. Along with his brothers and friends, he has frequently used humor to get through the hardest times in their lives, and hopefully, you will permit yourself to do the same. Get ready for an emotional deep dive. Nick has a lot to say and so do his guests. He's here for you and ready to help. Everyone has been through trauma, grief, and loss. Now, along with Nick and his guests, everyone will get through it together.
Nick is changing the world one damaged soul at a time. Welcome to Our Dead Dads.
Our Dead Dads
033.1 - Saying Goodbye To Grammy with Nick and Kim Gaylord
What if losing a grandparent is a journey of unexpected gratitude and comfort? Join me and my incredible wife, Kim, as we take a heartfelt journey honoring the life of my beloved grandmother, Jeanne Harris. We share our reflections on her remarkable legacy, from her nearly 70-year marriage to my grandfather, Stanley, to the cherished memories that continue to shape our lives. This episode offers a comforting connection for anyone navigating the unique grief that comes with bidding farewell to a cherished grandparent.
Take a nostalgic trip with us to an unforgettable lunch at Charlie's Restaurant on Long Island, a visit marked by Grammy's vibrant personality just before the world changed in 2020. Experience the warmth of family gatherings and the enduring influence of Grammy and Grampy, even through the challenges of Grammy's battle with COVID-19. We dive into the quirks of family traditions and the heartwarming anecdotes from childhood that highlight the strength of family bonds and the joy found in shared memories.
Through tales of WLNG radio playing from Grammy and Grampy's bathroom and the chaotic joy of Christmas gatherings, we celebrate the unique touches that made our family home so special. We express gratitude for the compassionate hospice care that supported Grammy in her final years, sharing stories of resilience and healing. This episode invites listeners to embrace their own stories of loss and love, and to find solace in the enduring power of family connections.
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Hello and welcome to Our Dead Dads, the podcast where we normalize talking about all kinds of grief, trauma, loss and moving forward. I'm your host. My name is Nick Gaylord. Thank you so much for listening to the show and thank you for making the show part of your day. If you're new to the show and don't know much about us, I'll start by asking you to subscribe and follow the podcast on Apple Podcasts or whatever platform you're listening to right now. Do that so that you don't ever miss any episodes.
Speaker 1:While you're there, please leave a review and give the show a five-star rating. If you don't know how to leave a review, check out our website, ourdeaddadscom. Scroll down on the homepage and you'll see a step-by-step guide on just how to do that. Your feedback, reviews and ratings have helped so much already and your ratings will continue to help the show to grow and to climb the charts. You can also follow the show on our social media pages on TikTok, youtube, facebook and Instagram.
Speaker 1:Most important, please spread the word about the show. We dive deep into stories of grief, trauma and loss, and this is to give everyone who has a story to share the chance to do so. And, equally as important, we are looking for everyone who has a story and either hasn't begun processing their grief or doesn't know how to begin. Today's episode is an unplanned one, though I guess somehow I knew it would happen eventually. I'm postponing the original episode that I had planned for this week to bring you sort of a special bonus episode, and for the special bonus episode I'm joined by the best co-host in the business, my incredible wife Kim Hi.
Speaker 2:But I am not your co-host. Well, this week you are. I am a frequent guest. How about that? Okay? Well, today you're my co-host.
Speaker 1:All right. One week ago, my mother's mother and last living grandparent, jean Harris, left this earth and was finally reunited with my grandfather, Stanley, one of the two amazing men who I am named after. She was 94 years old and left behind one hell of a family legacy. Kim and I are here to reminisce about some of the good times and the fun times with Grammy, aunt Jean and Mom as she was known to everybody in our family. I'm fortunate beyond words that I had a full set of grandparents until age 42 and one grandparent until age 49. I think that definitely says a lot, right there.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, I mean not about you necessarily.
Speaker 1:No, not about me, Because I mean all of my cousins had a grandparent until same age.
Speaker 2:Well, and not just that, a full set, but that they were still together married. How long were Grammy and Grampy married?
Speaker 1:They were just short of 70 years yeah amazing.
Speaker 2:I remember one of the first things you told me about them was the celebration that your family had for their 50th anniversary.
Speaker 1:Yes, that was February of 1998.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so well before I came on, well before you came into the picture, I think I made it in time for the 60th right.
Speaker 1:You were around for 60. That was 2008. Yeah, so you were already around for about two years. Yeah, we were already married.
Speaker 2:But I remember. It's funny. I don't think you and I talked about this actually since Grammy died, but one of the things I remember about the 50th is that you told me that the song that you remember them dancing to was Kenny Rogers. Through the years, through the years, and it's always been one of my favorite songs. It had always been the song that I hoped I would ever be lucky enough to have played at my 50th anniversary or something similar. So when you told me that it stuck with me and it's become a special song to us too, oh God, I'm going to cry. Okay, that was unexpected. You leave it to me.
Speaker 1:The music's gonna be what gets, yeah yeah, we're all about talking about the hard things here and yeah, yeah, I mean. Look, this wasn't a surprise to anybody, she was 94 years old. Unfortunately, grammy has not been in the overall best health for the last few years.
Speaker 2:Um man, she's been hanging. She's been hanging on. She's been hanging on or she was hanging on? Yeah, she had been hanging on.
Speaker 1:Again. She left a hell of a legacy and I thought that it would be appropriate to do this little conversation today, put off the regularly scheduled episode and just have a little bit of fun.
Speaker 2:I think it's special, it's nice. You'll have that to look back on. I love that, yeah, and.
Speaker 1:I hope that the you know, our friends, family everybody listens to this and gets to have a little bit of enjoyment out of it. I wish I could do a massive live episode and get everybody's contribution.
Speaker 2:With all the family. Well, who knows, maybe you'll have some of them on to discuss their grief process, maybe we will, but no, I mean it is an interesting one because, like you said, you don't, like you said, it's not that you don't expect your grandparents to die, so the grief is definitely much different than what you normally speak to about with your guests on this podcast, but it's still grief, it's still Nonetheless. She was still very important to you, yeah, and to me as well, and so, yeah, let's take a minute and talk about it and pay tribute to her, and probably to both of them, really, because the podcast wasn't around when grampy passed?
Speaker 1:yeah, the podcast was not around when grampy passed. He passed in, uh, october of 2017, just uh, nine days before his what would have been his 95th birthday, uh, so, yeah, we we've done a lot since then. Um, where do you want to start?
Speaker 2:well, the memory I mean I guess back to the well, I mean since we're, you know, since this to start. Well, memory I mean I guess, back to the.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, since we're you know, since this is a podcast about grief at all, I mean I guess I can start with a little bit of mine. I mean, I kind of feel in a way like I've already processed a lot of mine, kind of had already said you're advised to her, kind of did. Yeah, so one of my favorite stories well, we'll start with the good story and then I'll kind of lead in. One of my favorite stories that you and I have talked about many times was the last day that we both got to spend with Grammy, absolutely November of 2019.
Speaker 2:We went out to. We should preface that by saying that was pre-COVID and Grammy was quote unquote. Fine, yeah, grammy, grampy had passed, but we went to see her while we were visiting and took her out.
Speaker 1:Yes, we frequently.
Speaker 2:We weren't living on Long Island anymore, so we you and I weren't seeing her in person on a regular basis Right At that point.
Speaker 1:Right, we always made it a point to get out there whenever we were up in New York, we same way that we went out there to visit both of them when we were still living in New York. So, yes, we were visiting Long Island in November of 2019, and we made one of our regular trips out there. It was a cold, miserable rainy, disgusting windy day but.
Speaker 1:Grammy wanted to go out to lunch. Grammy wanted to go out to lunch. We took her to Charlie's Restaurant in South Hold. For anybody who doesn't know what we're talking about, we're talking about the east end of Long Island.
Speaker 2:The North, fork, the North.
Speaker 1:Fork, east end of Long Island. So if you are so inclined, feel free to pull it up on Google Maps. I wonder if Charlie's is still there. Probably, oh, I haven't heard that it's not. I'll even put a link to oh you should. I link to, oh you should. I'm pretty sure. I know that there's a facebook page and I don't know if there's a website, but if there is, I will put it up there on the show notes and if not, I will still put the name, probably for ordering for takeout orders. More than likely. Uh, yeah, this restaurant is incredible. We've never had a bad meal there and this was grammy's favorite place to go. So we went out to see her and she didn't care about the weather. She was particularly happy that day. Yeah, she was in a good mood, for whatever reason.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she was in a really good mood which you know it wasn't always the case at that point, with Grampy having a past Obviously heartbroken.
Speaker 1:Exactly Once Grampy was gone, she definitely had more probably unhappy days than happy days, which is completely understandable. This was a really good day. She wanted to go out to lunch, so we got the car. Uh, I think we didn't.
Speaker 2:We originally, even like from the very beginning, we had trouble finding a parking spot or crowded. Yeah, I remember again rainy, windy, disgusting, and I think we, everybody, wanted like the um, the soup, the gumbo or the uh, what's it called um?
Speaker 1:everybody wanted the bisque. Um, pulleded up, let Grammy out and parked. And she I don't remember what she got. I think she might have gotten soup. She got a sandwich or something.
Speaker 2:I remember what she got like a big meal of maybe it was a soup and sandwich combo. I think is what I got also. I just remember she ate everything. She ate the whole thing, like eight.
Speaker 1:She had the whole day, everything like you and I didn't finish ours, no, and grammy, it was, I mean, half of my size, let alone half of yours. Yeah, he was a tiny. She was this tiny. I mean, if she was five feet tall 30 years ago, it was a lot. Yeah, this tiny little woman just found her appetite, she destroyed it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was. You know, when we talked. I mean I, yeah, I can't say I remember the specific details of it beyond those images of just she wanted to go. It was cold and rainy. She'd marched right across, right up into the restaurant, oh, oh. And then, of course, the thing is, everyone knows her cause. She's lived in green part her whole life, so she's like a minor celebrity. There she walks in and behind the counter, they know her and they're asking about uncle Pete and June and all of yeah. So I, uncle Pete and Aunt June, and all of yeah.
Speaker 1:So I mean that was great, it was so good, that was good. We had the lunch, went back to her house, stayed there for a little while and just continued to talk and she was so talkative that day and no complaints. I didn't ever have any complaints about listening to the two of them talk.
Speaker 2:Well, they could tell great stories. Okay, certainly, when they were together, their storytelling was epic because of and gosh, my grandparents were so much like this too that it just always resonated with me and had touched me in a way was that their versions of the same story were oftentimes not the same. Not the same their remembrances of so to listen to them tell the story and then to yell at each other for telling it wrong, they would get so snippy with each other.
Speaker 2:No, this is what happened. Our dad, yeah, whatever she was, yeah, yeah, so that was great.
Speaker 2:It was not that that happened that day, of course, but like it was that she was just excuse me, she was just in a good place and it was a great day, and so then you know, if it's okay, I'll say what happened. Next is, of course, six months later, covid hit, and Grammy was one of the first people to get COVID and she was in the hospital actually at the time for something fairly minor, but because she tested positive for COVID and we didn't know anything at that point, they wouldn't let her out.
Speaker 1:This was COVID version 1.0.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was like March, right, like of 2020 or February even. Yeah, it was early, I think it was March of 2020.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and she should have probably been there maybe a day or two, and it ended up being like three weeks.
Speaker 2:I think it ended up being there?
Speaker 1:No, I think it was close to six weeks. Six weeks, yeah, that's a long time, and she did make it out, though there were times when we did not think she would.
Speaker 2:Not that she got sick from COVID, right, I mean she had COVID, but I don't remember her being particularly sick Because remember they kept saying like she's fine, but she's still testing positive and they just didn't.
Speaker 1:Well, she was fine eventually, but earlier on, earlier on, yeah, yes, she was really sick. But also another part of the problem was for an 89-year-old woman to basically be in bed, bed-bound, for six weeks and nobody was allowed to visit.
Speaker 2:Nobody was allowed to visit. We had to sneak.
Speaker 1:Somehow we got her somebody's old, I think Vanessa snuck a phone in.
Speaker 2:Somehow they got a phone in that we could talk to her like an iPhone, which of course she didn't have, or that kind of of smartphone, whatever.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but we were able to talk with her. We were able to kind of the nurses helped I remember that was really nice.
Speaker 2:So we were able to. We were in Texas, of course, so we were able to speak with her once or twice during that period of time.
Speaker 1:I remember having a conversation a few days in with her, when she started getting a little bit sicker and she was so confused.
Speaker 1:She didn't understand why nobody was there, why, why aren't they visiting me? I told her about her mind was starting. Her mind, unfortunately, was starting to get a little bit clouded. Um, I had asked her if she remembered from the news hearing about a virus that was going on, and she did remember. She didn't know a lot about it but she remembered. And I told her this has become very widespread. I said the hospital is basically closed off to the public. I said nobody, unfortunately we can't come see you, nobody is allowed, and I remember that was a little difficult for here and I'm sure that I was probably not the only person.
Speaker 2:I'm sure she was hearing the same thing from the whole family.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the whole family and it was really hard to say that, it was really hard to have her hear that. But again, we nobody could and the entire world.
Speaker 2:I was gonna say, certainly, we all went on to realize that she was just one of many, many people who went through a similar situation over the course of that. But but to bring it back to what we were talking about, so then we of course didn't get to travel to new york for a long time, and by the time we got back to Long Island after travel, I had gone up initially because my mom was supposed to have a medical procedure in July of 2020.
Speaker 1:that ended up getting postponed, but I was also planning on seeing Grammy During that time. The family was concerned, obviously understandably.
Speaker 2:She had a home health care aid at that point.
Speaker 1:The aid was concerned, I did not get to see her. I was really upset about it at the time and at the same time I completely understood the nervousness about it. It sucked, it really did. But I did get to talk to her on the phone. I called her when I knew that I wasn't going to get to see her. I basically left Long Island.
Speaker 2:And I started driving back and I called Grammy from.
Speaker 1:I think I was somewhere in New Jersey when I had called her.
Speaker 1:Just to make sure she understood that you wanted to be there and this is when we were living in Texas, because, as everybody knows, we're now living in Central Florida. But I was driving, I drove up from Texas to New York specifically so that I could avoid the airports, avoid people, and it didn't happen. It is what it is. I remember that conversation that I had with her on the phone was one of the clearest conversations for her. Like she understood everything. She understood it. She understood everything. Uh, I, she understood it, she understood everything.
Speaker 1:I apologize so much that I didn't get to see her. I told her I really wanted to. Uh, and you know it's okay. And she said don't worry about it, it's fine, I understand, you know it, it's fine. And we had been talking regularly anyway. Like I called her once or twice a week and talked to her on the phone before that and continued to afterwards and later on, toward as the year progressed, toward the end of the year. That was really when things with her mind started to get even worse. Um, the last few conversations that I had with her, she was very confused, she was getting upset. Um, at one point she called me keith, which is my uncle, her oldest son.
Speaker 2:Well, and her grandson and her great-grandson.
Speaker 1:Well, sure she thought she thought that I was uncle keith.
Speaker 2:Yeah, um and you know I said grammy, yeah, and I know your mom had said she would confuse her with other people, like it was just at that point where it was more upsetting to talk to her on the phone than it was.
Speaker 1:I was, and you know unfortunately it was shades of what happened with my great grandmother, with her mom, yeah, and it was kind of happening all over again and I had kept calling, we kept talking, but the more that it went on, the more confused she would get with some conversations and I could tell that she was starting to just get upset not mad at me, or anything, it's frustration, yeah.
Speaker 1:She wasn't fully aware of every detail and at a certain the last conversation that I had with her I mean, it was probably a 10 minute conversation, but I'm honestly not entirely sure that she even knew it was me Like she in the beginning, but then just the as the call went on, it just got more confusing for and I felt horrible and at that point I honestly, yeah, I made the decision to stop calling because, not because I didn't want to talk to her, it killed me to do that, but I was trying to minimize the confusion for her, yeah, of course. So whether it was the right decision, the wrong decision, I don't know.
Speaker 2:There is no right and wrong in a situation like that. I don't think, I don't really think there is.
Speaker 1:But I, you know, had to make that difficult decision.
Speaker 2:So I think that's your point about how you had sort of already made your peace with it. I did this. Grief is different in that sense that you know we've been expecting this for a while now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean she's been on full-time, 24, seven care, since she got out of the hospital with COVID, and that was April of 2020.
Speaker 2:So closing in on five years, I mean it's amazing, she really lived in it, she did it's unbelievable that she lived this long.
Speaker 1:I mean, her body just kept on going Little energizer bunny, she just kept on going.
Speaker 1:Little energizer bunny, she just kept on her spirit, yeah yeah, um, aunt june was telling me, uh, that the day before she died she was, she was very talkative. Uh, uncle pete was over there a few times and uh, the nurse was trying to what she was. She was giving her orange juice with a spoon and and she said, the grammy just took the glass out of her hand, start drinking out of the glass, which is the first time in ages that she had done that. I love that. And the nurse was like, all right, girl, this is what you're going to do.
Speaker 1:And everyone thought it was a good day. And then later that evening the nurse had called Pete and said her pulse was starting to go down a little bit. But I guess I don't think they thought that it was that because June had told me that they obviously nobody was surprised that she's passed, but they didn't expect it that day. Yeah, and so Pete went over to check on her and he called Aunt June, said her pulse is dropping a little bit more. So June said, all right, I'm going to come over. And she told me that it was eight minutes from the time that they talked that Juneune said I'm coming over to when she was.
Speaker 2:They lived right down the road they were at like yeah, maybe I don't even think it was a mile apart, uh, and she just went to sleep.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was it was time.
Speaker 2:Well, certainly glad it was that peaceful for her. After all those years she deserved at least that much. Absolutely believe in, you know, universe giving her what she deserved at that point. So, yeah, that, yeah, that was. I was glad to hear that.
Speaker 1:I was definitely glad to hear that, that it was as peaceful and as quick as it was and that she had a really good I mean as good as she could have had. But she had a good last day, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, that's definitely. You want to talk about a first day? Yeah, we will definitely talk about the first day. Yeah, that's kind of my story. I was able to kind of make peace with it a while ago and I hated to do it, but at the same time I am grateful beyond description.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it would have been a lot different if we were living close and you could have gone to see her. That would have been different, because I think in person it makes a difference, but over the phone it just yeah.
Speaker 1:But that's why I hold on to, you know, the last day that we saw her, and that was just the best day ever.
Speaker 2:Someone told me that years ago actually, I um in high school. If you don't mind for a quick second, I'll tangent. In high school I had a teacher who I was very close with, um, basically, I mean all but dropped dead on the gym floor of a aneurysm. Very suddenly, yeah, very suddenly, yeah, totally unexpected. He had actually just come back from a jog with some of the other uh coaches and um students, right, they had gone for a run and he was walking across the gym to go to the locker room um, to change or a shower, I assume and that he just collapsed and um, they, you know, he was alive in the hospital for a few days before the family made the decision to stop life support and during that time.
Speaker 2:So he had children who were also in school with me at the time in high school, and so there were a select number of students who, for whatever reason, were able to visit Most obviously were not. I was one of the ones who didn't and I was telling another teacher, like a faculty advisor type of a mentor person, how sad I was, that I wish I had been able to see him in person and say goodbye, and she said just hold on to the image that you have of the last time you were with him and be thankful that the last image you have of him doesn't have to be seeing him like this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean think about all the people in the gym that saw him collapse.
Speaker 2:Sure, those people, and then also, just had I been able to visit him in the hospital, he would have been hooked up to wires that you already don't look like yourself. We've all had those moments and those experiences, so, anyway, it's something I always hold on to when somebody passes. What was the last time I was with them that they were in a good place, and hold on to that image of them?
Speaker 1:Yeah, you and I have talked about that story when you were in high school multiple times and I agree, if I had my choice, it wouldn't have been the last time I wanted to see her. Sure, of course you know it's okay and see her, but at the same time, you know it's okay and I did like I said, I did make peace with that and I'm glad that the last time that I got to see her was such a special day. It was so much fun. She was just she was on fire.
Speaker 2:Also, when you think about it, it was probably the only time that you, she and I I don't know if that's grammatically correct were ever alone just the three of us, I think so Right. I mean, we had spent time with four of us when Grampy was still alive, of course, but the vast majority of it somebody else would have been around your mom or the rest of the extended family, exactly. So that was special in and of itself. That you and I had this day alone with her, absolutely yeah, much like that first day we had alone when I first met them. Well, why don't you?
Speaker 2:talk about that my favorite days ever in life was getting to meet Nick's grandparents the first day. I mean, we'd probably only been dating for a short period of time, but he'd been talking about me meeting them from day one. They were so special to him and that's all you know. He just wanted to get me out there, quote unquote out there to the East End to meet them. And so, yeah it was. I guess it was a weekend day, we weren't working, we drove out there, Probably a Saturday or Sunday, and you know it was. So it was sort of like, oh they'll, you know, we'll do lunch, kind of thing. And I don't know if you warned me or not. I think you must have Like, when Grammy says Grammy says we're going to you lunch, don't expect a tuna sandwich. And it was not a tuna sandwich. She, this woman, made a full meal. I mean it was like a level below thanksgiving or christmas, but it was pretty close.
Speaker 2:I mean it was pretty I was there a roast chicken, maybe instead of a stuffing, and mashed potatoes and vegetables and rolls or biscuits or something there was.
Speaker 1:It was a legit spread.
Speaker 2:It was like a military meal for, like the three of us, for the four of us, uh, at lunch and just to set a little context, these people, my grandparents.
Speaker 1:They did not know how to cook small I mean that has been passed on.
Speaker 2:Yes, it has definitely to your mother first and now, and now to me and your brother and to Jack, something I'm very proud of.
Speaker 1:No qualms about that at all. We would have holiday dinners. There would be between 15 and 20 people in that house and there was easily food for 40. And everybody went home with food.
Speaker 2:Well, and what always surprised me because it was different than how my family would do holidays is um, it would be all served at once and there would be multiple what you would call like entrees. Yes, so like it wouldn't just be a turkey, it would be a turkey and ribs, ribs and a ham, maybe a roast of some sort.
Speaker 2:So and then all the sides grampy made those ribs on those ribs on the grill. Remember how, how good, yeah, yeah. And the other thing that always struck me was the two of them were a team in the kitchen. My family, it would have been more the my grandmother did what she did, which that he, so he was in charge of that. So if he was like roasting a leg of lamb, that was his deal, and then he would carve it. Grandma would do everything else and they didn't get in each other's way. Your grandparents just climbed over each other in their relatively small kitchen to do everything. I mean, either she did it or he did it. They were fighting back and forth, but they were they stepped at each other a little bit.
Speaker 2:They had their own language and their own way of doing it, and they rarely wanted us to help them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they did not. Rarely, I mean every-.
Speaker 2:Toward the end. I feel like, as they got older, their mom, my mom and my two uncles, their three children.
Speaker 1:they would help out Sometimes. Aunt June, aunt Kathy would help as well.
Speaker 2:Sure and the rest of us were A few. People were sometimes allowed to go over early and help a little bit, but my gut is that they really they also.
Speaker 2:they would say like, let's say, christmas Eve. We always went to their house for Christmas Eve Right In the years that I was part of the family at least and it was like, okay, six o'clock, and in my family that would have been show up at six and we'll probably be eating by eight. No, at Grammys it meant show up at six and be ready to sit at the table and don't be late, because now you're holding up dinner. So really you should have been invited for 5. But we don't want you to show up at 530. Show up at 6, be ready to eat and just shut up about it. Yep, and we would.
Speaker 2:As the years went on, there would be text chains from whoever was there first, like all right, grim, it's five to six, grammy's already wondering where you are. You're not here yet, you're late, but you're not late. You said six o'clock so we would text. You know, with one of the sisters-in-law or the cousins-in-law or whatever it was. We're three blocks away, we just turned off the main road. So funny, yeah. So that first day, that was like the best. And then I just remember sitting at the kitchen table, the four of us, for hours hearing their stories. I mean I remember Grammy talking about her mom. I remember Grampy talking about growing up in a big family. They just started. They welcomed me right in and wanted me to know all the things and I love that kind of stuff. I'm always wanting to hear from the family about my family, your family, everybody's family. I love hearing family history and all that, so I was like a sponge, just soaking it all up and loving it.
Speaker 2:Well, graham and Grampy were very open and welcoming and accommodating to everybody but I think they might've known that you were probably going to hang around for a little while oh, yeah, cause we it's not like we were like married or anything yet no, not yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but no, that's true. So yeah, well, I assume you didn't bring every girl you started dating to meet them.
Speaker 1:Is that true? No, not right away.
Speaker 2:Okay, not right away Not that quickly. I mean, they met a few of them. They met a few of your other girlfriends, all right.
Speaker 1:But yeah, they knew. No, they didn't spend any time. They didn't spend time around any of them as much as they did with you. Well, fixture, because somebody in my family is paying you and I still haven't figured out what's happening. 19 years, by the way. We just celebrated mini anniversary, baby mini anniversary. We just celebrated 19 years of the first email, as I believe I've talked about it here before. I sent you an email on matchcom and well, the rest is history. We'll talk about that another day. Yeah, but yeah, it was. That was a hell of a day. Yeah, I know they made an incredible impression on you, as you did on them no-transcript.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's definitely one of. If I have any regrets in our relationship, it's that I didn't get to meet your grandfather. I did get to meet your grandmother and she was wonderful to me and at the same time she was, from all accounts, not nearly as happy of a person as she was wonderful to me and at the same time, she was, from all accounts, not nearly as happy of a person as she was before he was, when he was still here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, let's not go too far down that line. I wouldn't necessarily say my grandmother was an overly happy person, Right?
Speaker 1:but she was less much less so without him.
Speaker 2:She was like your grandmother. I mean, they lost their partner and they just their light faded. And who?
Speaker 1:could blame them 65, 66 years something, their partner and they just they're light faded. And who could blame them 65, 66 or something like that? Yeah, I don't do math, I don't know, sorry, math is numbers and I don't numbers.
Speaker 2:They were married for their whole lives. Let's just yeah, since they were like eight.
Speaker 1:Yeah well, they grew up in the same village in in italy, so they they didn't know.
Speaker 2:no, it wasn't the same village again, we digress, but it was like neighboring villages, oh kind of thing. I let's call it that or something like that, but they were still married by like eight. No, they weren't. Okay, we'll have a special episode one day about my grandparents, all right. I want to hear the story. Let's give a little background. So you for a short while. I don't remember how long and your mom and when you were young lived with your grandparents.
Speaker 1:Yes, so, my, as I've talked about before, I am the oldest of my father's seven children that I know of and, um, the oldest of my mother's two children, which I'm absolutely certain of. Uh, so, yeah, my parents were divorced. Uh, they split up very shortly after my brother jack was born. He is 16 months younger than I am, so probably by about a year and a half old. Somewhere around there, my mom leaves and we, the three of us, are living with Grammy and Grammy.
Speaker 1:We moved in with Grammy and Grammy temporarily at probably a year and a half old, and then we lived there for a couple of years.
Speaker 2:And, of course, your mom was working full time. She was working Grammy was very present in your day to day in terms of taking care of you and helping to raise you, and also you might find this hard to believe our dead dad's podcast audience. Nick, used to apparently be a picky eater when he was a wee lad.
Speaker 1:Well, as I've discussed at some point before, you and I met, I wasn't really a picky eater, I just really wasn't an expansive eater. I didn't eat, I didn't have a lot of things.
Speaker 2:But that's different than as a child. Your grandmother oh right.
Speaker 1:As a child, she could not get me to eat, and my grandmother has told me many stories about how the only way she could get me to eat was by her making her from scratch chocolate pudding, which it was you actually that figured out where that recipe came from? Yeah, and it came from the Betty.
Speaker 2:Crocker cookbook. Well, I didn't figure it out. I asked Grammy because I said, would you give me your chocolate pudding recipe so I could make it for Nick? And she was like it's not my recipe, it's Betty Crocker's, you know, in her snarky kind of way, right, but it's so funny though, but yeah.
Speaker 1:So apparently I hated eating whatever food I was supposed to be eating frequently, and the only way for her to get me to eat my food was to also give me a little dish of chocolate pudding, which explains my chocolate addiction for sure. Well, it explains a lot, boyfriend.
Speaker 2:Well, it explains a lot. Save that for another topic, that is also a whole other episode. Yeah, so I loved hearing that. That was one of those stories that when you and I first started dating that I remember you telling me, but what I was actually talking about was what happened when you grew up a little bit and when you realized you were taller than her. Oh, there's that story too. This is one of my favorites.
Speaker 1:So I was, I want to say, either 11 or 12, somewhere in that neighborhood. Now again, as I said before, my grandmother, if she was five feet tall, it was a lot. I don't think she was five feet 0.1 inches, barely there, and at some point I realized that I was taller than her. And so, as a kid- and you were probably 11.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I got 11, 12 years old, and when certain things happen as a kid, it's an accomplishment, it's a big deal. And I realized it one day, I think we were just walking past each other Grammy was going to answer the phone or something like that, and I realized I think I'm a little taller than her and so I kind of confirmed it before I said anything a little later. And then once I did, I said hey, grammy, guess what? And she said what? And I said I'm finally taller than you. And I was sitting down at this point, I think, like out on their patio, on their closed-in, screened-in patio porch, whatever it was Three-season room, yeah, three-season room. And I said I in room, and I said I'm finally taller than you.
Speaker 1:She's like really, and I stood up and I said yeah, look, and I'm standing up and I'm probably about chest out all, just proud of yourself puffed out and all proud of myself and I'm probably like maybe a half an inch taller than her, and she just kind of looked for a second. She's like, wow, you are, that's crazy. And I said, yep, I'm tall. Now and again, just like it meant anything.
Speaker 2:It meant a damn thing.
Speaker 1:And she just kind of stood there admiring it for a second and then she said but there's something really important that you need to remember. I said what's that? And she said no matter how old you get, no matter how big you get or how tall you get, you will never be too big or too old for me to put you over my knee and beat your ass. And I just got to put my head down. I'm like no, I'm sorry, grammy's still in charge. 30 something years later she still brought that story up. I love it. Love. She loves that story. Yeah, she did. It was one of our favorite stories together and, uh, you know something I'll never forget and I will never forget her like just barely looking up to me and saying I will still beat your ass. So fun gosh.
Speaker 2:I love it. Oh my goodness, it was incredible, the best I just loved spending time at their house. Yeah, you know it was so special because, oh, we I don't think we mentioned this they lived in that house, their entire marriage, higher lives, yeah grampy and pop.
Speaker 1:my great-grandfather built that, that house For them basically Like their marital house.
Speaker 2:quote-unquote.
Speaker 1:So they got married in 1948. So I guess it was probably in 1948. I don't think they had known each other for more than a handful of months Right in the family, right. I'm pretty sure they met sometime in mid to late 1947. But I don't know if they moved to the house before or after they got married.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I would imagine after given the time, yeah, I don't think they were living together before they got married more than likely um, yeah, grampy, and uh pop, my great-grandfather gramby's father, right um, they basically built the house and talk about that for a second.
Speaker 2:Let me think about that for a second. Building the house with your future father-in-law. That you're going to take his daughter home to, that even in and of itself is kind of amazing story, yeah so yeah, so yeah, so I loved that house for its history. Yeah, we didn't have that in my family because both of my grandparents moved and even in our my own immediate family we never had like that, like lifelong house. So I always just loved that. I loved um. Oh gosh, all right, can I wow? Okay, I, it's all.
Speaker 1:It's all going through my brain right now.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, the first thing I love that you and I had talked about that I wanted to say is I loved their staircase. Yes, it had a wall of photos of all the family members all up it and it had pictures from when their three kids were young, all the way through to the great grandchildren as the years went on and so, as the new girl, I got to look at all those pictures and sort of connect dots and it was sort of like my way of like, you know, learning. And for the record, you know both of your uncles have been married for gosh well over 40 years now, I imagine, to their wives, pete and June, I think are 53, coming up 53 years.
Speaker 1:I think Keith and Kathy are probably right, maybe a little bit more.
Speaker 2:Pete is the youngest of the three Right, right, right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, keith and Kathy. Uncle Keith and Aunt Kathy have probably I mean, if I had to guess, probably somewhere between 50 and 55 years.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, also for context. So my cousins in my siblings it's just me and Jack, Right, Like all the other siblings, are same father, different mothers, but on my mom's side it's Jack and I have three first cousins Keith, Cliff and Christina. Keith and Cliff and I were all born the same year. We were all born in 75. Him and Keith in March, Cliff and me in October.
Speaker 2:So yeah, so at one point for a couple of months your grandparents went from having no grandkids to having three in one calendar, to having three within one calendar year.
Speaker 1:At one point, all three of them were pregnant at the same time, and then, two years later, jack came, and then a years later, jack came, and then a year later, christy came.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you always. I mean that was one of the first things I remember. It was almost like you had five siblings. It was almost like you guys were great because you were all so close in age that you were always sort of together and all that. But anyway so, yeah, all those photos up on the walls, so I loved looking at that when we were there at Christmastime.
Speaker 1:I loved their tree. Looking at all the ornaments on the tree, Some of them were, you know, so old Grammy had so many ornaments At a certain point you almost couldn't see Branch.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, there was a lot of ornaments.
Speaker 1:Every nook and cranny had an ornament and there were so many beautiful ornaments that they had.
Speaker 2:The other thing about their house is it was very sort of old school, traditional for a certain east end of Long Island mindset or culture it's going to be hard to describe, but they had a basement which they called the cellar. It was reachable through the house but they kept a lot down there for storage purposes, right, yes, and they were very traditional that they would like grow fruits and vegetables in the summer that they would then can in the winter. Am I Okay? Sorry, we're having a side note, am?
Speaker 1:I supposed to be reading that. No, no, no, I wrote something down.
Speaker 2:Nick just scribbled something down and I didn't know if I was supposed to be reading it or for his, for himself, like in court when the lawyers right, so yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Um, yeah, so they would go down cellar, as they would call it, and the things that would come up. I'm not sure I ever went down there, maybe once, but the things that would come up from the cellar over the course of an evening, from tables to chairs, to food, to all these things. So I loved that about them. I also loved that Grammy fed the deer in her backyard and when I say fed, I mean they walked up to her and ate carrots out of her hand. That was phenomenal to me. But far and away the absolute best thing about Grammy and Grampy's house is the bathroom. Okay, so the house. You could kind of describe it as like what people would think of as maybe a, not a craftsman, what am I trying to say? A cape cod, where the second level was just the bedrooms, no real hallway. You just got to the top and it was what's it? Three bedrooms, two bedrooms up there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you get to the top, and left is one bedroom right.
Speaker 2:So the bathroom was on the main floor, right, um, and it was. Obviously it was a full bathroom because it was the only bathroom in the house. But what I loved about it, other than it being a very traditional grandparent bathroom, there was carpet on the floor, there were curtains, there were, you know, all that stuff. It hadn't been remodeled, probably in I don't know however many years. Yeah, so it had that vintage feel, but the best part of it was that Grampy, who was an engineer, hooked up a radio, took a light switch so that when you turned the light on, the radio started playing, and not just any radio station. It was the ultimate Long Island East End radio station that we all grew up listening to. Yes, me included, even though I lived further west than you did. Yeah, probably reached back then that far, but we certainly I lived on the South Fork of Long Island growing up, so it's called WLNG, yep 92.1 FM WLNG on the east end of Long Island.
Speaker 2:And it is just that quintessential old school radio station. They played oldies. They had Swap and Shop. Was that what it was called? Oh my God, Swap and Shop. I remember that, Before the internet, before even it was the first thing you used to be able to buy stuff from people off of.
Speaker 1:Well, not Craigslist.
Speaker 2:Yeah, craigslist. Before even Craigslist, they had swap and shop where if you had something you wanted to sell, you would call in during a live show and you would. I mean, I think my mom sold my first car that way, really like I went to college and I think she called up and said if anybody's interested in this car but that's how people would sell it Everything from you know furniture to whatever was on swap and shop. So just the fact that you could put, every time you turned on that radio, that light switch in the bathroom, the radio came on. It was my favorite thing in the entire world.
Speaker 1:That alarm clock must have been I don't know, 30 or 40 years old, who knows, but it was one of those. It was probably an early on digital alarm clock. When you turned it on, it was as if you just plugged it in and it blinked 12 o'clock. Yes, yeah, and if you were quick then maybe you got out of the bathroom before it turned to be 1201.
Speaker 2:Otherwise, I don't even remember ever looking at the clock, and yeah it would keep going. It was always 12 o'clock.
Speaker 1:It was always 12 o'clock. It's 12 o'clock somewhere, 12 o'clock somewhere that yeah, that would be in Stan and Jean's bathroom. They get a clock, you turn off the power, reset and then you go back in the next time and it's 12 o'clock again. Oh God, yeah, that alarm clock was my favorite part of that bathroom too.
Speaker 2:Well, okay, the alarm clock wasn't my favorite part. The WLNG was the favorite part You're right. For me, that was the fact that he had wired it to turn on with music whenever you went in there. Do you know the back Like what made him think to do that?
Speaker 1:I really don't know. I mean he when he was still working and he would get ready and he would listen to him in the morning and shower.
Speaker 2:He probably just wanted to listen to the radio, sure, but most people would have just turned the radio on. The man went to the trouble of hard wiring it into the electrical outlet.
Speaker 1:I mean that's hard. I mean it just plugged it in, but it was the.
Speaker 2:It was attached to the same outlet right. It was attached to the same outlet right it was attached to the same outlet.
Speaker 1:It had a little outlet on the side of the of the light, yeah, and the alarm clock was perched on top of whatever it was there's a little shelf up there, yeah, yeah and the radio was just permanently in, like the on position and the volume was set, and so radio, the music would start playing whenever you flipped well, I guess I never asked too many questions because I just loved it so much that I just I just loved it, I loved it so much, and I'm pretty sure wlng is still around today.
Speaker 2:Haven't listened to it in a hot minute, but yeah, I'm pretty sure my mom told me at some point they stopped doing swap and shop. Yeah, it's a little outdated nowadays or maybe they still do it but not live or not as frequently or something, but it used to be on, like I want to say, like every day, from like four to seven, you could put it on and see what was available and stuff.
Speaker 1:They used to listen to it all the time. I feel old. I know Grampy used to listen to it when he was out in the garage had it on. My mom used to listen to us. Of course I used to listen.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, crazy.
Speaker 2:That's funny. I love it. All right. What else are we supposed to Speaking of Christmas?
Speaker 1:I know I don't think the girls got to experience this, but at least the boys did. Every year it was. There were two absolute certainties that everybody was going to get, all the men at least, and again I, I. Did you ever get these?
Speaker 2:you know this idea.
Speaker 1:Um, so we said we would go for Christmas Eve. We would go for Christmas Eve. Yeah, they did everything on Christmas Eve and then everybody would just kind of do their own thing on Christmas Day. Everybody, everyone, from the adults to the kids always got an envelope with cash in it, a card and cash, and all the guys always got a big box of socks pairs of socks.
Speaker 2:This is like you and your cousins and stuff, not like they didn't give their kids socks. I don't think like uncle p got socks, did he? Who knows? Maybe, maybe I don't remember. I'd be curious to know that. Yeah, I don't remember the girls getting socks. I think grammy would shop for the girls, but maybe just with the boys she would just go to like bj's and buy the like you know seven pack of socks 500 pack and just divvy them up, so she would basically give you unwrapped socks in a like dress box.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, just you would open it up and they were in there.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And we knew what it was. I mean you and I. I don't think I bought you socks until we moved off Long Island. I think you just had an ongoing supply. We did Socks every year. That was great. We had socks for eight. God, those Christmases were chaotic. Oh, the other thing is so picture, like Nick said, probably about 15, 20 of us were sitting around the table. They would set up a big, huge table, a series of folding tables.
Speaker 2:It touched up against each other with tablecloths covering them. It would take up the whole living room, basically, and then it would be up against the television and by that point they had this huge television. And it would be right up against the television and by that point they had this huge television, yeah, and it would be right up against the TV, the table, and it always had to have Christmas Story playing, yeah, which was on 24-hour loop at that point, right, yeah.
Speaker 1:TBS and TNT do the 24-hour Christmas Story marathon and the volume never got lowered.
Speaker 2:So we'd be eating Christmas Story. Would be playing, be opening presents, christmas story.
Speaker 1:be like we'd be having dessert christmas story and me and my cousins and uh, jack, we're, we're all quoting christmas story the whole time. We knew the entire movie and I'm sure I could still quote the entire movie. Yeah, probably. Uh, it was a blast yeah, good times.
Speaker 2:I liked that. They knew how to have a good time, I think did they ever?
Speaker 2:you know they were also very much a part of their community. They lived out there their whole lives. They were very involved with. You know, your grandmother worked businesses. She drove the school bus for a while. Grampy was involved with public service. He did the fireworks, so they knew everybody. So whenever there was an occasion the few that I was involved in that were like family weddings, or when we had grampy's um, was it his 90th birthday? Yes, that they had for him at like a local, I think it was townshend manor um, I mean just everybody knew him.
Speaker 1:Everybody was there. It wasn't just family, obviously media family, but extended family and cousins and friends.
Speaker 2:oh, that was a fun night. Lots of dancing, lots of dancing.
Speaker 1:That was a great night.
Speaker 2:Oh, do you want to say how did that?
Speaker 1:night end. Oh, that night. What a great memory. I still cannot believe how funny the ending of that night was. It was all over, it was late. It was at least 11, 1130.
Speaker 2:I very much remember the. So we like a room that the party was in, yeah, and so they were serving us and stuff in there. But then there was also a bar in another room and I think by this point whoever was left it sort of migrated to that area, so it was mostly our people, but I remember very specifically the restaurant and everybody else. It was closed, like the bartender wanted to go home, yeah, but we weren't done, we weren't anywhere close to done.
Speaker 1:Certainly who wasn't done. Grammy and Grampy weren't done, and I don't remember. Maybe it was Grammy, maybe it was both of them, I don't remember, but I know they both wanted a drink.
Speaker 2:My recollection is that they, on their own, decided to go to the bar and get a drink, and you and I just sort of followed you and I just followed, and then the congregation began around the bar.
Speaker 1:They went to the bar and they both ordered old fashions.
Speaker 2:So good.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I wasn't a big drinker back then, certainly not hard liquor, like I would drink wine and stuff, and I was like if Grammy's having an old fashioned, then that's what I want, that's right.
Speaker 1:And it's been one of my drinks ever since, and it is, yeah thank you, grammy.
Speaker 2:It is is frequently one of ours.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah it's one of our go-to drinks. Yeah, um, we've said before that jack daniels is also one of our go-tos, but so well, that comes from grampy too, doesn't it? Yeah, that comes from well, that comes from grampy, and that also comes from the smiths. Oh, that's true. For anybody who doesn't remember, that was but they weren't.
Speaker 2:Your grandparents weren't big drinkers. No, they were a special occasion drinker. No, I remember like they didn't serve wine at dinner, kind of thing um, you kind of had to bring your own wine.
Speaker 1:People would bring wine and they had it, but they didn't always.
Speaker 2:I don't remember them, so that was something newish to me, yeah, and by that time I'd been around for a while.
Speaker 1:It wasn't like yeah, well, that was 2012 oh yeah, so we've been together for five years, yeah yeah, yeah, um, but it was just great that, first of all, the fact that it was like 11 30 at night, which again I know some of you are saying, oh, that's not that late they were 90, I mean, yeah, I mean grampy was 90, grammy was 82 and a good portion of the crowd was in their 70s and 80s and it had been a very.
Speaker 2:It was a large event. There was a lot going on. There was multi-generations that were dancing. It was very. I wouldn't have been surprised if he was tired.
Speaker 1:Right, it was a very active, engaging evening and at the end of it they're like nope, they didn't want to go home.
Speaker 2:They wanted a drink. They wanted to be the last ones there and, man, I think the four of us were the last ones there.
Speaker 1:I'm pretty sure we ended up closing the place down.
Speaker 2:And I want to say we probably had more than one if I had to guess. Old fashioned.
Speaker 1:Oh, absolutely, we were careful.
Speaker 2:Don't worry, no, I'm not advocating for we're probably mistelling, the story and one of your uncles is going to be like I was there too, because I drove them home of them home, or I don't remember all the details.
Speaker 1:That's just the visual I have is the four of us sitting at the bar.
Speaker 2:I can picture the bar like it was yesterday and I don't ever been there that one time. And the boy can picture the bartender. He knew them, stanley and Jean. You know he was like the son of friends or something. You know, one of those things. That was a great night too. That was a really good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, next time we're up there, maybe we should uh should we go check it out? Towns and manor and see if they'll let us go there to the bar and just have a drink. I mean, I don't know if it's kind of like in a restaurant, if it's an event place or yeah, I'm not really sure well, if we're up there, if we're up there, then we're gonna have to go there and, uh, let's do that. Have some old fashions for grammy Grammy yeah.
Speaker 2:I like it. Should we have one tonight too? Oh, absolutely, I already made him the chocolate pudding. For those who are wondering yes, um went on. We mentioned earlier it was our uh, 19 year, first email anniversary, so of course one celebrates that. So we had um last weekend, last week, on that. Oh well, it's actually the night before we I'm we made a pizza together, because that's one of our things we tend to do on our anniversaries is make a pizza, and I made the chocolate pudding for nick that night and just got look, I understand that it's a straight up recipe out of the betty crocker book and I'm sure that anybody could have made it.
Speaker 1:but to you, always to me, I mean, you made it, and look the fact that you are a chef, which we have covered many, many, many times in this show I didn't do anything.
Speaker 2:I just did what Betty Crocker told me to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know you did what Betty Crocker told you to, but you did it and you got the recipe from Grammy, even though it came also from the book you. You found out where.
Speaker 2:I was expecting like a handwritten card.
Speaker 1:It was like yellow and age, and and when you told me it was the Betty Crocker recipe, I was like that's it.
Speaker 2:I mean, I could have been having it all along, I could have had this all along. Whenever I wanted it. Yeah, that was probably by design that she didn't tell me where she got it from. Well, sure, once you started to get a little chubby, then all of a sudden, she was going to judge you and not let you eat the chocolate pudding anymore. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Now, fortunately A little bit your fault, a little bit your fault, started your fault, but then when I could have had self-control, why bother Anyway? Rehab is for women. That's nice, yeah, so good.
Speaker 2:Anything else that you wanted to.
Speaker 1:You know, one thing that I thought about and not that this was a good story by any means, but maybe it explains a few things by any means, but maybe it explains a few things Grammy had told me another story when we were recently not recently after we had just moved back there, me and Jack and my mom probably maybe a couple of months or so after that, they had the I don't know tile or wood floor or whatever in the kitchen and after dinner Grammy would mop the floor and sometimes she would wax the floor. And apparently there was one night where I was, you know, running around like a typical one and a half two year old, whatever tearing into the kitchen, had my socks on and basically like, slid up my feet and then eventually went down and just cracked my head on the floor and ended up giving myself a nice concussion. Did you? I sure did.
Speaker 2:Like they had to take you to the hospital.
Speaker 1:I'm pretty sure I don't think I've ever heard the story. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I had to go to the hospital and you know, the first of several concussions in my life.
Speaker 2:This was pre, like baby gates and stuff like we oh yeah it's kind of like you're on your own.
Speaker 1:Be careful. This was back in the days of parents. Are driving down the highway 75 miles an hour. Nobody in the car is wearing a seat belt.
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah, and nobody cared either. Heck, you were probably in the back of the station wagon, so you weren't even in a proper seat you were in, like the backpacks.
Speaker 1:I remember most frequently rode in the backs of the state wagons and nobody had seat belts on, nobody gave a shit, and we just had fun. We were just living our best lives. But yeah, I, when you were talking about. That's interesting when you were talking about early on. I remembered that story.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Um, when Grammy had told me I think maybe I was a year and a half two years old and went flying in there, fell, you know, slid on the floor, fell, cracked my head and gave myself a concussion.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Like I said, I'm sure it explains a few things.
Speaker 2:Cause you know the lingering effects of the concussion.
Speaker 1:The lingering effects, as our good friends lisa and mark would say, because you know I'm a little bit, you know, scrambled in the brain department.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I, I think I'd like to say on lisa's behalf that she gets the credit for d2d, not mark, but well, I mean, they actually got that from a comedian. But oh, did they? Yeah, okay, so I just thought lisa, that's lisa and you well, that too, because we have a very special relationship.
Speaker 1:Anyway, let's not digress too much now.
Speaker 2:But yes, I think yes, anyway, all right. Well, I don't know about you. I'm checking my list and I think we covered everything. I don't want to. You know, I'm sure we could have conversations for days and weeks and months. I think we've given Grammy the tribute that you wanted to give her, definitely throwing in a little grampy while we're at it, yep, doing some grammy and grammy, and I've said I told you one more thing I want to say okay, you finish.
Speaker 1:I've told you from the very beginning that they have always been two of my absolute favorite people in the world, and I'm pretty sure I told you at some point or very early on that I had always hoped that I would have the kind of marriage that they had for 70 years. They didn't make it to their 70th wedding anniversary, but they did.
Speaker 2:We're not going to either.
Speaker 1:Whatever, I'm keeping you alive on machines. I'm going to stick around until you're 103. Woman, let's see. All right, Well then I'd be a hundred. And yeah, let's let. Woman let's see. Well then I'd be 100. And yeah, let's see how the world goes for the next 50 years if we decide we want to be here for another 50. Yes, they were together for 70 years and I can't say enough incredible things about them, about their relationship, about how they raised all of us and had a hand in raising all of us.
Speaker 2:Just absolute gold, those two. I was going to say you know it is a podcast about grief. We did cover that part. No, no, no, we did. But I was going to say is part of the reality of grief is death and dying, is that a lot of people do end up needing hospice care toward the end of their lives. And Grammy was fortunate enough to be taken care of not just by her three children but and their spouses, I should say. But the number of home health aid workers who slept there, who fed her, who bathed her, who communicated with the family, I mean, I remember back in the early days of it, you were on a one-on-one first name basis with the woman who was first taking care of her. So I just want to say, for that community, the work they do is truly a gift to be blessed with being able to take care of another human being. That isn't family that way, um, especially the very underwhelming amount of money they make to do it, um, yeah, yeah, I'm I'm really glad that you brought that up.
Speaker 1:Um, yeah, again, it was almost five years that she was. She wasn't on hospice for five.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, not hospice, but she was on at full time, 24 seven, at home care since April of 2020. And I'm not exactly sure how long she was on hospice care for, but I would like to throw this out there and obviously don't feel any obligation if you don't want to. But I would like to mention and also send a huge thank you to East End Hospice in West Hampton Beach, new York. You can look them up online or I will also give you their address. It is 481 West Hampton Riverhead Road. Well, if you want to know how to spell it, you probably have to Google it. You can post it, can't you? Yeah, I will post a link in the show notes. East End sorry, in West Hampton Beach, new York. They took care of Grammy for the significant period of the at the end of her life.
Speaker 2:And yeah, they're just If you're looking for a good place to make a donation, if you're looking for a good cause to make a donation.
Speaker 1:Yes, there or honestly Any yeah. Your local, the one in your community, because someday it could be you or your grandparents who need that care Exactly, or any other family member that anybody listening might have. So yeah, either donate to, if you're so inclined, donate to East End Hospice or donate to a local hospice organization in your community.
Speaker 2:I mean truthfully. The fact that that exists meant Grammy got to stay in the only house she had ever lived in. She was in that house.
Speaker 1:Assuming again, I don't know the exact date that they moved into the house, but even if you basically take it from their wedding day, which was February 8th 1948, she was in that house for 77 years, yeah, so the fact that we didn't have to traumatize her by moving her out of it.
Speaker 1:I shouldn't say we, gosh, but the family didn't have to Thank you, gosh, but the family didn't have to Thank you, man, for all of the incredible work that you did early on to arrange it so that she was able to stay in that house.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, and obviously you know they were right down the road, so they were the most present in the daily taking care of them.
Speaker 1:But your mom drove out there all the time my mom drove out there, all the time Uncle Keith and Aunt Kathy, like everybody yeah.
Speaker 2:She was very blessed to have the family she had to help Vanessa, cliff and Kelly, christy and Cameron.
Speaker 1:Everybody was very involved.
Speaker 2:Yeah, look we all, and she loves seeing the great grandkids. I know, yeah, she. I mean we weren't one of the ones who gave her any, but I think everybody, everybody else has now her any, but I think everybody everybody else has now, yeah, yeah, we're the only ones who haven't.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah, jack has two, keith has two, cliff and Kelly have one and Christy and. Cameron, yeah.
Speaker 2:So yeah, grammy has a Grammy and Grampy have six great grandchildren who, you know, most of them were lucky enough to live nearby and she got to, you know, see them and you know to live nearby and she got to. You know see them and you know love that. So yeah, great life, great family, legacy. Um, you know we're very lucky, I'm lucky to be a part of that family Most of the time.
Speaker 1:Nope, it's okay. Nick would say the same about mine. That's totally healthy.
Speaker 2:I was going to say it about mine, but I wanted to.
Speaker 1:um, we, we both have incredible families and you know I'm so happy that Grammy was able to stay in that house. To all of the family Again, what Andrew and Uncle Pete did early on to ensure that she stayed there, what all of her children and children in-laws did during the time, during the four and a half, almost five years that she was in there, it was here.
Speaker 2:You know what? I mean I have one last tribute that will wrap up how special your grandparents were. Both of them is I never remember.
Speaker 1:They the ones paying you. All these years They've been the ads, so that's why it's coming to an end.
Speaker 2:No, I will say this this podcast is called Art of Dad, so I'm going to bring it back to John Gaylord. Never once did I see your dad without him asking you about your grandparents. Yeah, that's right. They were his in-laws for all of three years and yet they had that kind of an impact on him. And he wasn't necessarily that kind of a man who would ask about others, yeah, but he always asked how are stanley and gene?
Speaker 1:yep, always whenever I saw him.
Speaker 2:Yep, you know, my dad may not have at times been their favorite person right, but he always thought highly of them and had respect always loved and respected them, always asked about them, yep, so that says a lot it does, and he, he, um, uh, bestowed that to his uh, to rosemary and to the kids, because they also always were, um, asking about your grandparents. Like it was. It was a very sort of tight-knit family in that sense that, like everybody knew each other. Um, you know, michael and and joe and helene always asked about your cousins and you know, and that just it's that legacy of family that comes from those, that generation, that that's what they gave us, that's a gift they gave us all.
Speaker 1:So yeah, they, yeah, all of them. They all knew and loved grammy grampy um one, uh one moment that I we're not wrapping it up after all, folks, sorry.
Speaker 1:One thought that I just had was at Grampy's Wake in 2017. Rosemary and Joe and Mike and they all came out there and I had taken Michael over to say hi to Grammy and I said, Grammy, do you know who this is? And she looked and I don't have any idea. I said this is my brother, Michael. And she's like, oh my God, how did you get so big?
Speaker 2:Yeah, Michael's the tall one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, michael is I think 6'3". But I mean at that point he was how old is he? I think he was 27. And it had been a number of years.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she probably hadn't seen him since he was a kid. Yeah, but it would have been more once we're all grown up, you know it wouldn't. They wouldn't have crossed paths necessarily, but not nearly as much.
Speaker 1:Everybody knew and loved Grammy and Grampy and I am just grateful and honored to have had two people who basically created this family and I'm so grateful to be a part of it.
Speaker 2:Me too. Yeah, thanks for letting me in.
Speaker 1:Thanks for wanting to stick around. I don't know, I still one of these days I'm going to figure out who it has been all these years that's been paying you off. But whoever it is, I'm grateful that they did. I love you, babe. I love you too, and I think that is going to do it for us today.
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